Busting Through It

Catching Up

2011-09-11T15:45:00.002-04:00

Hey and happy Sunday!

Let's play a little catch up here, shall we? I'll point form this sucker for you guys.

Day 7:

Someone/something that has had the biggest impact on you-

Family: I really am one of those people who would actually kill for family. I REALLY lucked out with my family...totally hit the jack pot with them. They all influence me differently and have had the biggest impact on who I am now.
School: I can pinpoint a handful of classes that literally changed my life and how I view the world. Yay for learning!

Day 8:

Short term goals for this month and why-

Don't allow cruise to derail healthy eating. I'm realistic...I realize I'll probably gain a couple of pounds on my upcoming trip. The point is, I don't want to keep gaining after I get home. Have to reign it back in as soon as I get back
Start exercising regularly again (3-4 times per week). I'm struggling with this one.

Day 9:

Something you're proud of over last few days-

I track everything that I eat...no matter how many points into the red I go. :)
I've been very consistent in getting in enough water each day.
I've been meal planning like a champ.

Day 10:

Music I listen to when happy/sad/ bored/ hyped/ mad-

Happy: Club music, songs that make me wanna dance!
Sad: I'm really not one of those emo kids who listens to sad music when they're sad. :) Maybe some Motown?
Bored: Anything at all...
Hyped: More dance music, old stuff from my childhood and teen years, cheesy pop music, more Motown.
Mad: Songs that make me wanna workout and feel strong. Angry rap lol.

And that's all she wrote...

Enjoy the rest of your weekend!

Day 6...Blank Stare

2011-09-06T21:03:00.003-04:00

Hello and happy Wednesday!

I hope you're all having lovely weeks. Things are going well over here. I'm a little more than 2 weeks away from my mediterranean cruise, it's fall (swoon), and it feels like a fresh start around these parts. I just love this time of year and I'm excited for what this year will bring :)

In terms of food I'm still always ready to eat that brick of cheese but I think I'm holding my own this week. I know I'll still see a very large gain at weigh in next week but I really don't care. I'm just taking each day as it comes and forgetting about everything else. How are you guys doing with your health goals? Hungry all the time like me?! :)

So day 6 of this little blogging challenge is all about your favourite super hero. Um, I am totally ambivalent towards this one. I never cared about super heroes when I was a kid, that was totally not my thing. I was a reader...I liked books...not super heroes lol.

So instead...why don't you go ahead and check out some real life superheroes, hmm?

These people do wonderful work for children around the world.

As do these guys.

And them.

And them too :)

See you tomorrow!

I Went There...

2011-09-06T20:47:00.003-04:00

Happy Tuesday bloggers!

Day 5 of the 30 Days of Blogging Challenge is all about where you've been. My family never really had the chance to travel much when I was growing up...but we had some pretty great times on our annual camping trips :) But in my last year of undergrad at uni. I had the chance to go to New York City for a conference on refugee issues at the United Nations. Holy dream come true. Those 5 days were so amazing and I got to do so many fun things in this awesome city. I walked across the Brooklyn Bridge (eek!), I had the best cupcakes of my life, amazing Chinese food, I walked through Central Park, Soho, the Upper East Side, the financial district and so many other fun neighbourhoods, and I got to tour the United Nations (easily the best part of the entire trip for me). My camera malfunctioned on this dream trip so I don't have the pictures that I took myself, but here's a fun one I found online.

Oh yeah, I walked that...no big deal :)

I definitely plan on going back for another visit. :) AND in a few weeks I'll be able to add Italy and Spain to my (very short) list of places I've visited! Can't wait for that trip!

As for this week, I'm focusing on the basics: planning, tracking, measuring, moving. My goals are simply to stick to my points and do some kind of activity each day (even if it's only 10 minutes, I just need to make it a habit again).

Simple, simple, simple :)

And good night!

I'll Do it Later...

2011-09-05T22:35:00.002-04:00

Hey hey hey!

Day 4 of the 30 Days of Blogging Challenge- Your Bad Habit

Um...can we say PROCRASTINATION? I sure can.

Leaving all my studying until the night before? Done.

Finding a fancy outfit for an event the day of? Oh yes.

Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve? Every. Year.

Starting my 30 page thesis for my 4th year seminar 2 days before it was due? Please. I work best under this kind of pressure.

Yeah, I should work on this. Maybe later...

In other news...tomorrow I will make my triumphant return to the gym and set some goals for the week :)

Happy Labour Day!

Day 3- My People

2011-09-04T15:47:00.004-04:00

Hello again :)

Day 3 of the 30 Days of Blogging Challenge calls for a pic of me and my friends.

First up is a picture of me and my sister Rach. We're super close and I'm very lucky to have a sister and friend like her. She's hilarious when she doesn't even mean to be, kind, and an awesome mom to little Jack. She's a good one :)

Please ignore my horrific eye brows lol.

I also want to talk about some of my closest friends from elementary school (they don't know about the blog so I don't feel cool posting pics of them without their knowledge). We don't get to see each other very often anymore now that we've all graduated uni, but when we do, it feels like nothing has changed at all. It's hard for me to get close to people so it's nice to know that I have them :)

I also have another close friend who has recently started doing Weight Watchers with me and she's a really great friend to me. We've known each other for a long time and she's just super sweet and fun. I can't find any of our pictures together so just use your imaginations heheh.

Enjoy what's left of your weekend! And be thankful for your people! :)

Day 2- Why Busting Through It?

2011-09-03T09:47:00.002-04:00

Hi and happy happy Saturday!

Day 02 of the 30 Day Blogging Challenge comin' at ya...

The meaning behind your blogger name. Well this is timely :) When I originally started losing weight my motto to get through the tough times, the times when I wanted to eat a cake or a block of cheese, was "just bust through it bitch." That's what I'd say to myself in my head. I'd write it down so I could look at it and be reminded that sometimes (um, most of the time) it's not easy to stick to my healthy eating...but I knew I had to just DO IT ANYWAY. It's not easy. Motivation is fleeting. I'll always want to eat more than I should and more junk than I should. I don't particularly enjoy exercise (read: I kind of hate it). BUT SO WHAT?! The pay off of sticking to it is so worth it and makes me so happy. I started the blog about a year after I started trying to get healthy. I had thought about it for a few weeks and the name that I kept coming back to was always about my little motto, Busting Through It. I'm not always great at it, clearly. But it's definitely what I strive to do.

Where did your blogger name come from? If you don't blog, what would your name be and why?

Have a great day!

Ahem...

2011-09-02T17:17:00.005-04:00

...Ummm, so... can we just pretend that I didn't disappear off the face of the planet for 3.5 months?! Yes? Thanks.

The truth is I have been having one hell of a time sticking to my healthy lifestyle. I do really well for a week, maybe two, and then I binge like a mother for a couple of weeks after that. I didn't feel like blogging about my failures so I didn't. But I should have and I knew that.

I'm shaking it off and moving on. Join me if you wish :)

I can't promise posts every day or that I'll be on track and perfect all the time. But I can tell you that I'm in this for real and for good. I always have been, I just forgot that for a little while :)

Anyways, I saw this on Miss Haneefa's blog and thought it looked fun.

*Disclaimer: I'll be away on a trip for part of the month and internet access will be shaky so I'll probably just double up on some of these bad boys to catch up.

30 days of blogging challenge!

Day 01- A recent picture of you and 15 interesting facts about yourself.

Day 02- The meaning behind your Blogger name

Day 03-A picture of you and your friends

Day 04- A habit that you wish you didn't have

Day 05- A picture of somewhere you’ve been to

Day 06- Favorite super hero and why

Day 07- A picture of someone/something that has the biggest impact on you

Day 08- Short term goals for this month and why

Day 09- Something you’re proud of in the past few days

Day 10- Songs you listen to when you are Happy, Sad, Bored, Hyped, Mad

Day 11- Another picture of you and your friends

Day 12- How you found out about Blogger and why you made one

Day 13- A letter to someone who has hurt you recently

Day 14- A picture of you and your family

Day 15- Put your iPod on shuffle: First 10 songs that play

Day 16- Another picture of yourself

Day 17- Someone you would want to switch lives with for one day and why

Day 18- Plans/dreams/goals you have

Day 19- Nicknames you have; why do you have them

Day 20- Someone you see yourself marrying/being with in the future

Day 21- A picture of something that makes you happy

Day 22- What makes you different from everyone else

Day 23- Something you crave for a lot

Day 24- A letter to your parents

Day 25- What I would find in your bag

Day 26- What you think about your friends

Day 27- Why are you doing this 30 day challenge

Day 28- A picture of you last year and now, how have you changed since then?

Day 29- In this past month, what have you learned

Day 30- Who are you?

Day One- Picture of Yourself and 15 Interesting Facts:

I just like the way my hair looks in this pic :)

Fun Facts:
1) I do not own a cell phone. Or an Ipod. And I don't feel like I'm missing out :)
2) I've recently developed a pretty serious shoe problem. And when I say "problem" what I mean is addiction.
3) I could totally live on cheese and crackers and pizza for the rest of time if I had to. And maybe cookie dough too.
4) I'm SO over summer. Bring on fall!
5) I have been looking for brown fall boots for 3 years and I finally found the perfect pair this week! My heart is full lol.
6) I have a girl crush on Angelina Jolie. Mostly because of her tattoos and her humanitarian work.
7) My favourite movie EVER is Dirty Dancing. I heart Patrick Swayze.
8) I hate when people say "I heart ----". Drives me crazy. But totally applies in the case of me and PS.
9) I hate driving over water. I'm afraid that the bridge will suddenly collapse and I'll get trapped in the car in the water and drown and die...What? That's totally possible.
10) I love Buddhism.
11) The thought of the new Footloose remake makes me want to vom. But I'll still see it.
12) My eyebrow is pierced and sometimes I forget about it. So do the people around me. You know, the ones who can actually see my face. Not sure what that says about them or it or my face but there you have it :)
13) I am completely and unabashedly liberal. One of my majors was peace and conflict studies, I'm pro gay marriage, pro choice, I live for public education and public health care, I don't believe in trying to convert people and I'm kind of anti big business. I would have made a great hippie fo' sho' lol.
14) I don't remember what life was like before air conditioning heheh.
15) My favourite book is To Kill A Mockingbird. I've only read it once and I won't read it again because I don't want to ruin the memory I have of reading it the first time when I was 15. Loved it so much.

And that's all for tonight friends! Have a fabulous night!

Real Talk

2011-05-16T20:44:00.005-04:00

Bonjour!

I hope the start to your week has been fabulous.

Now let me just cut to the chase here.

Real talk: I am so frustrated with myself. I feel like I have wasted the last 8 months. I can't get my momentum going long enough to make any real progress with my weight loss. I haven't created an exercise program that I stick to long term. My food measurements have been getting increasingly non-accurate. I've been choosing more and more junk food and less and less healthy food. My ability to say no is decreasing. I'm feeling like a bit of a failure. There. I said it.

The more important real talk: I will never quit. Im stubborn. I'm going to fight. I deserve to have everything that I want out of life and I'm not going to sacrifice all of that to be obese. End of story.

This is hard. It doesn't get easier. But you know what? It's harder being 337 lbs and turned off to the world. I'm not going back there.

*Moving on...*

Just for fun, here are some delicious eats I've been cooking up in BTI's kitchen. Sidenote: I need to take a break from making these sweets. My resolve is not at its greatest so I need to back off that a wee bit. At least I have the pictures to look at (drool over?) for now.

Baked oatmeal. Oh my. For real, this was so good.

Banana bread cupcakes from Eat, Live, Run.

Happy Monday!

I'll be back with a plan of attack to get my mojo back and a little post on who has been inspiring me lately :)

Just Go Ahead And Make This.

2011-04-17T20:53:00.004-04:00

Hey hey hey! I hope your weekends have been lovely. Mine was consumed with work, but there was one highlight...

This amazing banana loaf. Oh my. There are no words.

I basically followed One Healthy Munchkin's recipe for this with just a few changes. I used whole wheat flour instead of white, 3 bananas instead of 4 (didn't want to completely clear out our stash), brown sugar instead of white (I just like brown better), and I added chia seeds instead of flax. I also sprinkled on some brown sugar right before baking because I wanted a crusty top. PS- why is the word "crusty" so gross sounding?

Seriously. Go make this.

Have a great start to your week!

These Moments...

2011-03-26T19:14:00.002-04:00

Hello everyone! How's your weekend going? Mine has been lovely so far. Today we celebrated my nephew's first birthday with a Jack And The Beanstalk party. It was awesome and my sister pulled off an amazing party for Jack!

There was some of this...Fee Fi Fo Fum cupcakes

Some of this...

A couple of these...

A little of this...

And definitely a lot of that...

He just melts my heart. Happy birthday Jack! I love you so much. (PS- Rach and Dan- good work on that one!)

Honestly, today was so much fun and it's moments like these that remind me of why I'm trying to get healthy. For me, it's not just about looking good in a smaller size or wanting to lose weight for a certain event. It's literally about changing my habits so that I can actually LIVE my life and be around for these special days with the people I love. For a long time I was wasting my life and taking my health for granted. I'm so over that.

Anyways, in other news, I've switched back to Weight Watchers' Momentum program as Points Plus and I just weren't clicking (aka I couldn't lose on it). First week back on Momentum and I was down 1.4 lbs which is great :)

Happy weekend!

Today's questions: If you're doing WW, how do you like Points Plus? Ever have moments in life where everything clicks and you're reminded of why you're trying to get healthy in the first place?

Sometimes...

2011-03-08T19:15:00.002-05:00

Sometimes...

...you work your ass of all week in the gym...

...you track everything honestly and measure accurately...

...you do everything "right"...

...you know you'll see a loss at weigh in...

...and you go to weigh in and get a big fat STAY THE SAME...

...and then you get pissed (and maybe pout a little bit)...

And sometimes, sometimes....you just keep on trying anyway.

Clicking And A-Z

2011-03-04T18:00:00.007-05:00

Hi everyone!

So...major blog fail on my part. Sorry it's been so long :)

Anyways, I'm still trucking along, the past couple of weeks have been awesome in terms of food and exercise. It's no secret that I've been struggling since the summer to stay on plan consistently and to be active regularly. I don't really know what happened, but a couple of weeks ago something just clicked and I feel excited and committed to my health in a way that I haven't been for months. Super excited about that! :) I actually believe that it's possible for me to reach my goal one day, and for a long while there I had lost that. I guess that's a part of the process, right?

In other news...I promised my mother that I would try a zumba class with her next week. I'm excited but also terrified. Group fitness classes are soooo out of my comfort zone, but it was one of my goals for the year to try one so I'm just gonna bite the bullet and do it! I'll report back after we try it on how it went and if I survived :)

A-Z

I'm sure you've seen this survey floating around blogland recently, non?

Age: 23.

Bed size: Queen...it makes me so happy.

Chore you dislike: Anything in the bathroom...vom.

Dogs: Scare me. All of them. If I had one it would have to be fat and incapable of chasing me, also I'd prefer it to not have teeth or nails.

Essential start to your day: A little bladder relief...TMI? Sorry. :)

Favourite colour: Black or purple.

Gold or silver: I'm ambivalent towards both.

Height: 5'7.

Instruments played: I used to play the double bass. And when I say used to play, what I really mean is I had to pick something for grade 7 and 8 and it seemed like the least lame of all lol. It was promptly dropped when I moved on to high school.

Job title: Perpetual university student? Associate trapped in retail hell until she can afford to go back to school for her next degree? Yes, that's the one.

Kids: Want a half dozen or so of them :)

Live: In my childhood home...I'm on a serious budget and it is the most reasonably priced option I have (read: free...god bless parents).

Mom's name: Marianne...plus a few other that her and I have for each other that would never be spoken in public.

Nicknames: Mana, Manny, Pudge (self-fulfilling prophecy?!), and a couple of other choice names by my mother that would get us kicked out of a lot of places hehe.

Overnight hospital stays: When I was a baby I had a random seizure that landed my in the hospital for a few days for testing...never did figure out what was wrong with me. Hmm.

Pet peeves: Consistent lateness. Also...the whole I must have my phone/BB/IPhone permanently attached to my being thing...that one really drives me crazy! Mind you, I live in the dark ages and don't even know where my pay-as-you go cell phone is right now...that could have something to do with my over the top rage regarding this issue :)

Quote from a movie: The greatest of all time: "Nobody puts baby in a corner."

Righty or lefty: Righty.

Siblings: Two sisters and two brothers-in-law. They're all pretty fabulous.

Time you wake up: 6:30-6:45ish

Underwear: I'm pretty fond of it.

Vegetables you don't like: Ones that aren't tomatoes, carrots, cucumbers or green peppers lol.

What makes you run late: Other people.

X-rays you've had: I had a lot when I was a kid but I don't really remember why.

Yummy food you make: I make a mean phone call for delivery/take-out hehe. I can follow a recipe but I have no creative kitchen skills.

Zoo animal favourites: None. They all scare me. Except for maybe fish.

Have a great start to your weekend everyone!

Today's question: Have you done the A-Z survey? Tried zumba? Should I be frightened?

Because I Love Them...

2011-02-09T07:43:00.002-05:00

You know by now how much I love a good list :)

Up 0.2 at weigh in. Was kinda miffed. Got over it pretty quickly.
Feeling pretty lethargic lately. Not sure what that's about, but working on getting in more protein.
Chicken all of a sudden makes me want to vom.
This week's goals: 1) At least 2 veggies a day 2) Activity 3 times 3) Be more accurate with my measurements 4) Go 2 days without cheese (seriously, it's hard for me to go 2 meals without cheese, let alone 2 days lol)
I had a doctor's appointment last week and for the first time in my life my blood pressure was perfectly healthy!

On that note, have a great day everyone!

Sometimes You Need To Feel Fabulous...

2011-02-06T08:32:00.005-05:00

Happy Sunday! Hope you're all having a nice weekend :)

As promised, here's an update on how my week has gone.

This week's goals were:

2 serving of veggies every day- NO CHECK- this one goes on repeat for next week
3.5 L of water each day- CHECK
3 days of activity- NO CHECK- only made it to the gym twice, also added to next week's list of goals
Limit fruit to 5-10 servings a day- CHECK
Update BTI with my progress this week- CHECK

So overall the week was okay, but I definitely have a few things to work on for next week. I feel like I had a few too many sweets. They were all within my points and I still got all of Weight Watchers' healthy guidelines in, but still, I have to be super careful with them or else my cravings go insane! I'll have to be a little more careful this week.

Now onto some grub! So I've been trying to improve my non-existent cooking skills so that I'm not so pathetic in the kitchen. This week I made baked ziti from Jessica Seinfeld's Doubly Delicious cookbook. It was very good. But I admit that I got lazy and didn't add in the carrot puree that the recipe called for :) Whatev, it was still delicious!

My plate.

I heart cheese. Clearly.

I cooked in these.

Because they're fabulous.

C'est fini.

I'll be back soon with this week's weigh in and goals.

Happy weekend all!

PS- I've started responding to your comments in the comments sections of my posts. As always, thanks so much for everything you guys have to say, it is greatly appreciated :)

Do What You Gotta Do!

2011-02-01T18:20:00.006-05:00

Hey hey!

Anyone snowed in yet? I kinda wish I was :)

Anyways, weigh in was great this week, I was down 3.8 lbs. Who knew sticking to a plan and going to the gym a few times could actually work?! Oh right, ME! I just forget sometimes lol.

This week's goals:

More veggies! At least 2 servings a day. I have been majorly slacking on the veggies and barely eat 2 a week lately.
Water water water. 3.5 L a day is doable.
Gym/activity at least 3 times.
Limit fruit servings to the recommended 5-10.
Make another blog post later in the week to update you all on how I'm doing with these weekly goals. I've been forgetting to do that lately (read: I get lazy hehe)

So earlier last week I was trying to think of something to spark my motivation and excitement for this whole weight loss/healthy living kick. I was feeling kind of crappy about the fact that I was up about 15 lbs from where I was 6 months ago and couldn't seem to get my commitment back. I started looking through my pictures- both old and new- and found some that I wanted to play around with. I made a before and in progress picture and I printed a bunch of copies of it out. I'm now carrying one with me in my purse, have one stuck on my bedroom wall, and one taped up to the fridge.

The picture on the left is from about 3 years ago, I was at about 340 lbs by this time. The one on the right is from a couple of weeks ago.

You can see that I added "Remember what this felt like..." to the before picture. I think I really forgot for a while how crappy I felt then, how hopeless and afraid I was, and I kind of lost some of my drive for a while there.

It may seem like a silly thing to do, but carrying this picture around with me has helped me to keep my focus. Do what you gotta do to find your motivation, right?

Life happens and things can get in my way, I'm going to screw up sometimes...but I'm never going back to where I started from. It sucked, and I've worked too hard to get to where I am now.

That's all for now. Have a great day everyone!

Djimon Hounsou?!

2011-01-26T20:37:00.004-05:00

Bonjour!

How is your day going? Lovely I hope :)

So this week I was up 2.6 at weigh in. No sweat though. I had a fabulous party to attend on the weekend and it required some sweet indulging. Absolutely no regrets about any of my choices that night!

Me and my BFF/sister/hero in life Rax:)

Oh, yup, that's us again.

The important thing is I am back on track this week and making good choices and feeling like I will get to my goal again :)

This week's goals:

Watch my fruit intake (it makes me crave other sugar if I have too much)...goal is no more than the recommended 5-10 servings.
Gym 3 times.
3 litres of water each day.
No bingeing.

That's all for tonight friends!

PS- I was at the gym tonight and there was a guy who looked exactly like Djimon Hounsou. Now, how the heck is a girl supposed to concentrate on her fitness when there is a man 20 feet away who looks exactly like Djimon Hounsou?!

Thoughts going through my head:

Is it possible that that man is/is related to Djimon Hounsou?!
Don't fall off the elliptical as you strain your neck t0 get a better look.
Breathe.
Stop staring.
OMG Djimon Hounsou-look-alike-guy goes to my gym. If that doesn't get me there regularly than clearly nothing will.
I'm so inappropriate.

Goodnight all!

Post And Run

2011-01-19T08:10:00.002-05:00

Hey hey!

Super quick update in my favourite bullet point list format:

Down 4.6 lbs at weigh in
Goals this week: Gym 3 times, 3 litres of water each day, 7-10 servings of fruits and veggies each day, be more aware of protein (I've been feeling super tired lately and think maybe it's related to my protein intake...any thoughts on this theory?)
I am in need of some new book suggestions...help a nerd out?
I was forced to change my blog background and I don't know how I feel about that...I'm not great at change in case you can't tell :)'

Have a great day everyone and thanks for reading!

And This Is Why...

2011-01-16T09:53:00.000-05:00

...And this is why I will keep trying to learn how to cook...

Clean Eating Magazine's Spaghetti and Meatball Casserole

Real Simple's Low Fat Fettuccine

Jessica Seinfeld's Deceptively Delicious Peanut Butter Banana Muffins

I was much more successful in getting my cook on this week :) No burns or injuries requiring medical attention lol.

I'll be back tomorrow or Tuesday with weigh in results and some goals I'll be working on this week. Here's hoping my monstrous Christmas gain is mostly taken care of.

Have a great Sunday!

This Is Why...

2011-01-05T15:05:00.000-05:00

This is why I don't cook...

...because I can't even seem to make a quesadilla without burning my arm flesh off.

That goal of mine to cook more is off to a rocky start :)

Happy New Year!

2010-12-31T17:58:00.000-05:00

Happy New Year!

I hope everyone has had a lovely holiday season and a super fun New Year's last night. I was a party animal this year...and practically slept right through it hehe.

Anyways, I'm really excited about a new year and I really don't care how cliche it is to make resolutions and goals at this time of the year. I think it's kind of fun, plus...whatever helps you get the job done is cool in my books.

So here are the things I want to work on this year:

Keep working on weight loss

I guess that's a given, yes? It's not realistic for me to make a resolution to make my goal weight this year, but I can definitely re-commit to losing weight consistently throughout 2011.

License

Okay don't judge me people but I am 23 and I don't have my license. For a long time I was afraid of driving and too self-conscious to even go through driver's training and taking the tests. Must get it done this year.

Be better to my friends and family

It's super easy for me to just be a loner and do my own thing because that's what I've done for so long. This year I really want to work on being better to the people in my life.

Read more

I LOVE reading and I literally have a couple hundred books sitting on my shelves waiting to be read. I want to try and find at least a couple of minutes every day to read something.

Get and stay active

The goal is to develop some kind of fitness schedule that I can realistically stick to long term. Activity makes me feel better, I've just gotten out of the habit and lazy about it.

Take a group fitness class

This one terrifies me, which is why I want to do it. I want to try at least one fitness class at my gym or a community centre.

Cook more

I get bored with my food repertoire very easily so I need to amp up my cooking skills (and when I say "amp up my cooking skills," what I really mean is I need to develop some, period). I've already bought one cook book with some clean eating recipes so that's a start.

Do stuff for my brain

Due to financial reasons (ahem, OSAP screwing me over), this is the first year that I've been out of school. I miss it a lot and my brain does too. I need to make a better effort at doing things for it. I'm a super nerd and I love to research random stuff and learn about all that I can, but again, I've gotten lazy and out of the habit.

Have more fun

I'm too damn serious sometimes. I want to have more fun this year and not spend so much time in my head worrying about stupid things.

Blog more

I will never be the person who blogs 3 times a day, but I can make an effort at sticking to a more regular schedule. Even 2 posts a week would be awesome and doable.

Travel!

I want to see everything! Now that I'm working more I can save more so that I can go on a trip. I have plans for a major trip later this year so I'm already on my way to meeting this goal :)

So there are my goals for this year (p.s.- total coincidence that there are 11 and it's for 2011, but whatev).

Have a great weekend everyone :)

Today's question: What are you working on this year? Do you make goals/resolutions/intentions?

Lazy Woman's Blog Post

2010-12-17T10:30:00.000-05:00

Hello hello hello!

So, um, I guess I lied in my last post when I said I'd be back in less than 4 weeks this time. *Hanging head in shame*

Apologies, bloggers!

Things have just been super busy over here in my world (as I'm sure they are in yours, too), and I was simply too tired (lazy?) to post an update :)

Anyways, things are going pretty well over here. I started the new Weight Watchers program last week and it was just the kick in the ass that I needed to get back on track with my eating. The new plan is really great and I LOVE that it sort of implicitly forces you to eat more real, whole foods as opposed to the Frankenfood that could be easily worked into the old program. My first weigh in was on Monday and I was down 3.4 lbs which was, quite frankly, THRILLING! I have been in such a funk since August so it was awesome to see some progress :) Now I just have another 5.2 lbs to kick to the curb to get back to my 100 lb loss.

Alright, I'm getting lazy again so I'm signing off :)

Today's questions: If you're a member, are you digging the new WW plan? If you celebrate, what are you doing on the healthy living front to prepare for Christmas? I'm thinking I may take some pics of my meals for the day to help me stay on track.

Happy Friday!

The One Where I Explain What Happened...

2010-11-10T18:17:00.000-05:00

Hi everyone :)

So after nearly a month of no blogging I am ready to get back into it. I have still been reading all of yours even though I couldn't bring myself to write for my own lol.

First off I guess I should explain what the heck happened, yes?

Here are the facts: My sister was diagnosed with breast cancer. Then I had a bit of a breakdown. Then I got angry. Then I binged for 2 weeks and fell into some life long habits that I thought I had broken (eating to the point of emotional numbness). Then I pretty much quit the gym for 4 weeks (sidenote: is anyone else reminded of that episode of Friends where Chandler tries to quit the gym...no, just me?). Then I got angry again. Then I tried to reign it in for 2 weeks and did much better, still definitely over points but making much better choices and not using food as a drug. Then I legit got back on track and back to the gym and am doing much better in that regard.

Here are the more important facts: My sister is kicking cancer's ass and I am more and more impressed by her every single day. Talk about a freaking hero...she is it.

Here's what I've learned:

I still have some very serious issues to deal with in terms of binge eating to turn myself off to my feelings.
I should have made better use of my weight loss support systems (the blog, bloggers, WW boards and members etc.) I shut myself off to them when I should have reached out.
Tracking is so so important to me. Even when you know you're over, it's still important to keep track of it anyways.
Even though I was seriously out of control for 2 weeks, it was only 2 weeks and then I bounced back. Now, the honest truth is, I did some serious damage that will take weeks, maybe even months to undo. That being said, things could have been much much worse and I could have drawn them out even longer.
And even though I ate an endless amount of junk for those 14 days, there were certain trigger foods that I still wouldn't touch...maybe that doesn't seem like a big deal, but it is, because it showed me that I was still committed enough to not eat those triggers...because if I wasn't in it for the long haul then I wouldn't have had a second thought about eating those foods.
My sister is a rockstar. End of story.

I'm taking a page from her book and getting on with my life.

Thanks for reading and I'll be back soon (you know...in less than 4 weeks this time).

Today's questions: Who are your heroes? What is your best bouncing-back-from-a-breakdown advice?

Relapse

2010-10-14T19:51:00.000-04:00

Hi all :)

So the past 2 weeks have been an all out binge fest.

I used food to numb me to my emotions and it worked. Like a drug. Like a lot of drugs.

I'm picking up the pieces right now. It was a relapse of epic proportions. But I know how to get back to it. I just need to stop being afraid of my feelings and actually work through them.

For now I'll spare you the detailed list of the garbage that has been consumed over the last 14 days, suffice it to say I am both disappointed and yet oddly impressed with my ability to still volume eat with the best of them after all this time.

I won't quit.

I'm not going back to where I came from.

What Are You Fighting For?

2010-10-03T20:54:00.000-04:00

Hello all and happy October!

I hope the month has started off on a positive note for all of you :)

Over here I've been thinking a lot about my progress recently. I've had a look through my tracker and I've noticed that my losses have definitely slowed down, which is okay. However, I think it's probably a good idea to try and boost my level of commitment and renew my dedication to my health (really, when is that not a good thing?). We all know how hard this process is, and the truth is, sometimes we find motivation and inspiration in other bloggers, in books, in other success stories etc. But, sometimes, what we really need is to remind ourselves of why we are trying to find better health to begin with, of what exactly we are fighting for every single day.

I am fighting for:

A life in which my size doesn't prohibit me from trying any of the things that I want to try.
A body that doesn't ache.
Happy memories with my family and friends.
A future that does not involve diabetes, heart disease, stroke, or any other weight related ailments.
A physically and emotionally tough career that I'll be better equipped for with my health in check.
My future babies.
A wardrobe that does not include size 28 jeans (I know it's superficial but I own it :) ).
The ability to feel my emotions and deal with them instead of being numb to them.
Confidence to know that people are not staring at me in disgust in every room I walk into.
Assurance that people do in fact see me, and that I'm no longer viewed by some as the devalued, lazy, or unintelligent morbidly obese girl whose opinion doesn't matter.
A long, happy, meaningful life. What more could I ask for? :)

So, why do you do it? What pushes you to make the best choices that you can each day to ensure better health?

What are you fighting for?

I'm Learning...

2010-09-23T20:42:00.001-04:00

Hey hey hey!

So sorry for the lack of posts recently. Trying to sort my life out is all I can say :)

Things I've learned recently:

It is dangerous for me to have Nutella in the house. Like, really dangerous. I bought a tiny jar last night and had to throw it out today because I knew I would let it derail me if I kept it.
I really enjoy yoga. It's super hard and my body doesn't really bend as it should but it makes me feel strong. I also like pilates a lot too :)
Elle magazine's Cardio Body dvd is hard. freaking. core. My abs are still sore from doing that dvd 2 days ago.
I'm becoming a lot more adaptable than I ever was. Change has always been super hard for me but recent events have kind of forced me to buck up and just go with it. Change can be exciting, right? I'm trying to just embrace it...or, just fake it :)
I still have to monitor how many days of the week I eat cheese. Crazy. But that's my reality.
Just because Biggest Loser is crazy and totally unrealistic, doesn't mean that it can't inspire me. Or make me bawl like a baby.
Sometimes I lose all sense of motivation to live a healthy life. But, I think I've reached the point where I can just buckle down and hold on anyway. Motivation is fleeting, commitment and discipline are not.
There is so much more that I want out of my life than I ever imagined. That used to terrify me but...now I'm busting through it and dreaming big.

That's all I got tonight. Off to watch Grey's :)

Today's question: What have you been learning about yourself lately?

I'm Still Here...

2010-09-16T09:22:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone!

Sorry for the lack of updates lately! There have been some big changes around here re. the non-weight loss portion of my life and I've just been trying to sort everything out and get everything in order. I won't bore you with the details but I'll just tell you that what I thought my life would look like over the next few years has completely changed...but I'm okay with it and I actually think things are going to be just fine :)

Anyways, this is just a super quick update to let you all know that I'm still kickin' around over here, my last weigh in was great and I was down 2.4 lbs, nothing else to report today.

I'll be back with a real post once I have things sorted out and finalized :)

Until then, here's a little food porn for you.

Can I just say that I love my sister...for real, I saw a recipe for these and after I recovered from the conniption that they gave me I asked her if she would make a batch of these and just give me 2 (because you know very well that I cannot have a whole batch of these in my house...I would eat all of them...probably in one sitting)...and she obliged :)

My Monday night after weigh in treat- chocolate chip cookie dough cupcakes. Oh heart be still.

Thanks for stopping by!

Today's question: If you're trying to lose weight, do you make sure to work in some of your favourite treats every so often? I reserve Monday nights for my "cheat" night. But when I say cheat I don't mean that I don't count and track everything that I eat, I just mean that I allow myself to eat processed foods or whatever I'm craving that night. The rest of the week I really try hard to eat mostly whole and clean foods. It really helps me to stay on track for the rest of the week if I know that I'm not depriving myself :)

Lazy Woman's Post

2010-09-07T19:59:00.000-04:00

A bulleted list of updates and random thoughts for your reading pleasure (and because, well, I'm tired):

Thanks for reading and commenting...totally makes my day
My BMI has dropped from 53 to 37
The hunger monster is here but I'm kind of kicking its ass
My goal to hit the gym 4 times a week has been amended to do something active 4 times a week (last week was gym 3X, 50 minute walk 1X , and yoga 1X)
Extra bites and tastes have been greatly cut back due to my new 3 bite=1 point rule
Yoga is hard
Processed foods are EVERYWHERE and so hard to avoid, but eating less is definitely helping my crazy arse cravings
I love Weight Watchers Etools and tracking online
Cheese=love. But I still avoided it 3 days last week. I know, I'm a freaking superstar bwah ha ha
You can get a lot of extra activity into your day with just 10 minutes
Cocoa powder in oatmeal rocks
Cocoa powder in peanut butter banana soft serve rocks my face off :)
I'm experiencing an unknown urge...TO BAKE! (pick your jaw up off the floor Rach lol) I have my eye on the Clean Eating Almond Butter Chocolate Chip cookies...will document it and provide you with proof if I tackle this task
I've gone from a size 28 jeans to an 18/20 (and almost cried in the change room when it happened)
I am excited about my life
The end.

Thanks for reading and have a great week everyone!

Today's questions: What are your thoughts on the BMI scale? What are your bullet points today?

Sucking It Up And Getting It Done!

2010-08-31T16:38:00.000-04:00

Greetings!

So yesterday's weigh in had me up 1 lb. I was pissed as hell. There. I said it.

Most of the time I realize that gains happen and I can get on with my day like normal. But sometimes they pop up and just put me in a foul mood.

I got over it (or pretended to) and started working on my plan of attack:

Tracking: I'm now tracking all of my food and activity online with Weight Watchers (and I realized that I've been underestimating some of the foods that I eat on a daily basis. Huh...that explains a lot.) (ps I've always tracked on paper, never online).
Torture: AKA exercise. Ugh. I still hate it. However, I'm busting through it and the gym and I will have 4 spectacularly fabulous dates this week.
Fake foods: I have been slacking majorly in this department (half a box of the new Fiber 1 bars, anyone? No? Just me then.) Some people can eat this stuff no problem. I, on the other hand, cannot metabolize the crap properly and it simply turns straight into the fat that encircles my bangin' body. I'll have to stick as close to all whole foods as possible this week.
Measurements: I seem to be having a problem lately with "tricking" myself into believing that my HEAPING tablespoon of pb has the same number of points as a properly measured one. Why am I so anti-leveling?! This week I = measuring stickler.
Extras: I also seem to be having a problem lately with "sampling" any and all food that gets in my line of vision. To deter this behaviour, I'm instituting a new rule: for every three extra bites/licks/tastes that I partake in, I will have to add 1 extra point to my daily tally. Here's hoping that's enough to keep my stubborn self in line :)
Sweet, sweet food of the gods: Cheese. You know it always comes back to cheese with me. Once I commit to something, I'm in it for the long haul...in this case, cheese and I have been in a very serious and very meaningful relationship for nearly 23 years and I just can't quit it. So this week I will have to go without it for 3 whole days. That seems impossibly hard to me right now. Don't judge me.
Just for kicks I'm also going to add in 10 extra minutes of activity each day (it can be crunches, lunges, toning exercises- whatev, the point is just to get the 'ole bod moving a little bit more each day).

So that's what I'll be working on for the next 2 weeks until my next weigh in on the 13th :)

I'm off to watch General Hospital...now really don't judge me, I just can't resist. I'll be back with more later on in the week.

Today's questions: If you're trying to lose weight, how do you honestly react to gains? Usually I get over it pretty quickly and carry on with my day, it's just not realistic to expect to never see a gain, right? What are your favourite ways to sneak in some extra movement to your day?

Technology Hates Me, Goals, And Healthy Living Blogs

2010-08-24T15:58:00.000-04:00

Hey all!

Sorry for the lack of update this weekend...computer/internet troubles plagued my house :( All is well now though :)

Weigh in this week was good, I was down 0.2...I'll take it! I really am of the philosophy that any loss (and even a maintain) is a good thing.

Onto this week's goals:

Cut out the extra tastes and bites of things that I do not plan and account for
Gym it up 4 times
Don't eat activity points (I'm still playing around with these, some weeks I can eat them, some weeks I can't)
Get in at least 3 veggies a day (ugh...a necessary evil...I keep hoping my taste buds will miraculously morph into veggie devouring maniacs but it's just not happening...however, I am a persistent little bugger and will not be defeated in this matter)

Now onto something really cool. Have you guys checked out Healthy Living Blogs yet? It's a super helpful new resource for healthy living (duh) bloggers, created by Lindsey at Sound Eats. Check them out if you're interested in finding new health-oriented blogs or bloggers in your area. There are also cool forums for discussion on various healthy living related topics and all kinds of other awesome stuff. So check them out :)

If you want to have your blog listed on the site, just send an email with the following info. to healthylivingblogs@gmail.com.

Email subject line: MEMBERS
Your name (please share if you prefer to go by first name, first and last, or however you prefer to be known on the internet)
Blog name
Blog URL (please start with http://, not www.)
Your Twitter handle, if applicable
Your location (if you prefer not to disclose this information for privacy's sake, that is completely understandable. We'll simply include your blog listing in the A-Z listing , not by location, too)
Any specific labels (i.e. vegan, gluten-free, weight loss, running, etc.)

Well happy Tuesday to you all and I will be back later in the week with another update.

Thanks for reading!

Today's questions: What are your goals this week? Anything you're really struggling with? For me lately it's been the extra bites and tastes. Have you checked out HLB? Are you addicted to blogs like I am? :)

Update, Goals, And A Lovely Birthday

2010-08-18T21:20:00.000-04:00

Bonjour!

So I meant to update on Tuesday but the day just got away from me (okay fine I got lazy lol). Anyway, my weigh in went very well and I was down 1 lb. Excellent :) Totally unexpected and a very nice surprise after a week of overindulgence (who knew adult beverages added up so quickly?! Oh right, me. That's why I don't very often partake lol).

This week's goals are very simple:

Stay within my points (I know, I know, you're thinking...wow, how innovative of you Amanda!...But for real, last week I was over my daily, weekly, and activity points by 35 so this week is all about reigning it back in and getting right back on plan, so I'm making it an official goal for the week)
Gym it up at least 4 times

That is all.

And now a picture of my fabulous birthday breakfast oatmeal (that was my way of telling you that it is my birthday today hehehe...is it sad that I really don't care that much about my birthdays anymore?):

Overnight oats made with a mashed up banana, topped with a tablespoon of crunchy peanut butter and two crushed up vegan oatmeal chocolate chip cookies. Oh yes I did :)

After this amazing breakfast my mom and I hit up Toronto for some birthday shopping (truth be told my mom hates shopping, so I guilt tripped her into coming along with me by playing the "it's my birthday so you can't say no to me" card...haha I know, clearly I'm 5, not 23 lol). Alas, we had a wonderful day together, despite being trapped in traffic for 2 extra hours (rush hour how I loathe thee).

Well that's all for me tonight. Have a great night all :)

Today's question: How do you celebrate your birthday? This year I tried not to make food a big focus. It was tricky and definitely a big change for me, but I'm proud of my choices today :)

I'm Getting There...

2010-08-13T13:17:00.000-04:00

Hello and happy Friday!

I hope your weeks are winding down nicely :)

Over here in my corner of the world (web) things are slowly but surely improving. My hunger is not quite as out of control today as it has been the past couple of weeks. Don't get me wrong, I could still eat all day long if the opportunity presented itself to me, but my resolve is re-emerging and I'm getting better at resisting the many temptations around me (read: the open bags of peanut M&Ms in my freezer, the brick of old cheddar in my fridge, and the bag of Chinese candies in my purse that a friend of mine gifted me with last night).

I'm still working on having a better attitude regarding my little funk here. Lately I keep catching myself complaining to my mom (and WW buddy) about how ridiculously hard this whole eating healthy and exercising thing is. It seems like every day I'm whining about how impossible it is right now and how starving I am at that moment. Well, nobody likes a whiner, right? So as of right now I'm going back to the tried and true method of fake it 'til you make it. A.K.A. I need to change the things that I'm saying and change the way I've been viewing and framing things lately.

I need to just buckle down and, for right now, believe (pretend? lol) that it's not that difficult to eat right. It is simply a series of small choices that all add up to big changes in my health. If I keep telling myself that it's impossible, then there's no chance in heck that I'll make it through, yes? Instead, I'm choosing to just do it. Busting through it is how I've approached this process right from the beginning. I seem to have forgotten that a little bit the past couple of weeks. It has always been difficult to make the healthier choices and it has always been easier to make poor ones. To be completely honest, that's probably never going to change for me. BUT, I made the decision a long time ago to fight those urges and to make better choices, to just do it, EVEN WHEN IT'S HARD. I need to remember my life motto: just bust through it :)

I think I'm turning the corner on this funk...sometimes you just have to hold on and plough through, right?

In other news, my last weigh in was good. It had been two weeks since I had weighed in because of the civic holiday. I was down 6.2 lbs, which meant I kicked my 5.6 lb vacation gain's ass. Oh yes friends, 4 days of less than stellar eating out in the coyote infested wilderness resulted in me gaining 5.6 lbs in less than 96 hours. Admit it, it's kind of impressive, right? Lol. I didn't write about this earlier for a few reasons: I was mad at myself for letting things slip so quickly, I was just a tad embarrassed, I didn't want to rain on my 100 lbs lost parade, and I knew that it was temporary so I kind of wanted to just ignore it. But blogging is all about accountability and I know that you guys don't judge me, so there you have it. 5.6 lbs. 4 days. I think I told you once before that if I'm falling, I like to fall hard.

My ego was admittedly bruised after that little gem, especially since it was the first weigh in after hitting my 100 lb loss. Alas, I sucked it up, realized it was only a temporary gain, did my best to get back on plan and wait out my mental funk and lost that vacay gain plus a little extra this week. Also learned that I am so not ready to try the whole "just listen to your body" approach to eating (excuse me, but you know my body will always tell me that it is perfectly fine to eat that entire pizza, that whole box of Milano cookies, a family sized bag of chips, plus that bag of cheese strings over there). Nope, not there yet. I'll stick to counting points :)

Anyways, this post is getting very long-winded. My apologies. So I'm taking a page from some other awesome bloggers and showing you some of the fun things I've been eating lately:

Delicious sandwich: Rye bread, hummus, extra lean turkey, and mozzarella cheese toasted in the oven.

Seriously...so good.

Food blogland's darling: homemade banana soft serve with some low fat granola.

A new staple in my diet: pizza quesadillas made on a cheapy sandwich maker.

A new snack: Finn crisps with herb and garlic cream cheese.

Thanks for reading everyone! Have a fabulous weekend :)

Today's questions: Any new food finds? Are you an open book on your blog? What are your thoughts on intuitive eating?

Giveaway Winner Take Two...

2010-08-11T09:34:00.001-04:00

Hi everyone!

Sorry I forgot to post my update on Monday (bad blogger!) Anyways, just stopping by to say that I redrew for the Glo Bar Giveaway and the new winner is number 22- Devon. Congrats Devon! Devon also picked Free the Children for the second part of the giveaway :) Devon, send me an email with your mailing info. and I'll have the bars shipped to you (amanda.wakeam@gmail.com).

Have a great day everyone! I'll be back with a real update soon!

Climbing My Way Out...

2010-08-08T19:11:00.000-04:00

Hello and happy Sunday!

Thank you for the words of encouragement on my last post. They were so needed and so appreciated :)

I'm already in a better head space so that's progress, yes? Sometimes just admitting that this process is still a daily battle for me helps me to get through it just a little bit easier. So thanks for sticking it out with me.

Plan of Attack

As promised, here is what I'm working on to get out of my funk:

Tracking: I have continued with my tracking, no matter what.
Music: After I finished my last post, I went and found some uber corny but super motivating music to listen to. It immediately put me in a better mood.
Reaching out: I need help. That is part of why I started this blog in the first place and you guys never disappoint. By blogging about my struggles I am seeking support from an amazing community, and it is so so helpful.
Waiting it out: Sometimes this is a really hard process. Other times it's easier. Right now it's difficult, but I know my funk will pass. I just have to hang on.
Focussing on the good: I'm having a hard time, sure, but I am still making some great choices and they all count. I continued to go to the gym this week. I got in all of my healthy guidelines. I tracked. I thought about my food choices etc. etc.
Recommitting: I decided that every single day is a new day and a new chance to make a fresh start. Literally every morning I commit to making the best choices that I can.
Short term thinking: For now, all I can do is focus on each day, on each meal, on each choice. I can't think about the big picture right this second, so I'm focussing on making today as good and as healthy as it can be.
Busting through it: After all, it is my life motto :)

I made the decision to stick this out a long time ago, and I won't go back on that promise that I made to myself. I am not a quitter. I will never give up.

Onward I go :)

Well that's all for me. I'm off to watch Mona Lisa Smile (I can't not watch this movie when it's on t.v., I just love it!)

I'll be back tomorrow with an update from my weigh in and a new Glo Bar Giveaway winner. Also coming up will be a post on a fabulous giveaway that I won (my first ever!).

Have a lovely evening and a great week bloggers!

Thanks for reading :)

I'm Struggling...

2010-08-06T17:23:00.000-04:00

I hope you are all having wonderful Fridays :)

Over here in my world I am struggling. For the past 2 weeks my hunger has been out of control. After every meal or snack I am immediately hungry. I'm craving sweets like no one's business. I can't seem to stop having extra bites and tastes of, well, everything that crosses my path. I have no desire to get to the gym (although I still go...it's just a war with myself to get there every single time). I'm anxious and stressing out about my weight and my weigh in on Monday.

I'm trying to just hang on and wait it out...but man it's a struggle for me right now.

Sorry to be a downer but this is a part of the journey, right? It's not easy by any stretch of the imagination and some days I'm constantly in my head, second guessing my choices and stressing about my weight. I don't know how to get over that, but I'm working on it.

Anyways, thanks for indulging me in my wallowing. I'm going to make a plan of attack to get out of my funk tonight and post about it this weekend.

In other news...Nicole has not contacted me to claim her giveaway so I will have to do a second draw in a few days. If I don't hear anything by Monday I will pick a new winner then.

Have a great weekend bloggers :)

Today's questions: Do you ever find yourself trapped in your own head like this? Always stressing and afraid of making the wrong choices? What do you do to get over this?

Glo Bar Giveaway Winner!

2010-07-31T21:33:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone!

Well I survived my camping trip and just finished catching up on all of your posts that I've missed this week :)

Just a super quick post tonight to announce the winner of the Glo Bar Giveaway.

So I used Random.org for the giveaway, but I don't know how to do a screen shot so you all will just have to take my word for it lol I apologize for my technical ineptness. The lucky winner was commenter number 31, Nicole! Yay for you Nicole! Shoot me an email (amanda.wakeam@gmail.com) and I'll arrange for the bars to be sent to you as soon as I can :) Nicole's charity of choice was Free the Children, so I will be making a $100 donation to them as well. They do amazing amazing work so I am so happy to send some cash their way :)

Happy weekend all :)

2010-07-27T17:16:00.000-04:00

Hello hello hello!

Thanks for celebrating with me on my last post :)

So by the time you all read this I'll be off on a camping trip with my family, which means one of my worst nightmares is coming true...being disconnected from the internet!!!!! How ever will I survive?! I may have to sneak away one day and beg the locals for some computer time lol.

I think I'll cope :)

Camping can be tricky for me simply because it takes me out of my normal routine. However, it can also be easier to deal with than other vacation destinations because, for the most part, I'm still eating the same foods that I usually do. I won't have access to my gym, but I've brought my bike and will also be swimming and walking up a storm so I don't think I'll have any problems staying active.

This is the plan of attack that I made before leaving for my trip:

Bring my tracker...oh yeah, and USE IT
Plan out as many of my meals ahead of time as I can
Do something active every day (swimming, biking etc.)
Try and stick to my 6 mini meals a day as much as possible to keep my cravings and hunger under control
Look up the healthiest options at the 2 restaurants where we will be eating out
Get in as many fruits and veggies as possible (for some reason this is always hard for me when I'm camping)
Remember that this trip is about relaxing and having fun with the fam...not food
Don't stress out too much...I'm on holiday but I know how to make solid choices, no need to succumb to any panic attacks, right? :)

Well that's all for me folks...I'll be back with an update on how the trip went (and an official count of how many mosquito bites I got) on Saturday, as well as the winner of the Glo Bar Giveaway. If you haven't entered yet you still have time. You have 3 separate chances to win, just comment on my last post by Friday, July 30 to enter. Good luck to everyone :)

I hope your weeks are lovely so far and I will have to do a marathon of blog reading to catch up with everyone when I get back!

Thanks for reading!

Today's questions: How do you approach your eating/activity/health plan when on holiday or vacation? Do you let loose, stick to your guns, or try and practice moderation? What are your best tips for a healthy camping trip? Finally, is it considered excessive to bring 13 books with me on a 7 day trip?! :)

The Big One-100 lbs Lost Celebration: BTI's First Giveaway!

2010-07-21T10:16:00.000-04:00

Hello again!

So first off thanks to all of your lovely congratulations on my last post. I truly have the best readers around and I am so grateful :)

Now, sit back and relax, because this one might get a little lengthy.

In celebration of losing 100 lbs, I decided a while back that I wanted to host a special giveaway on the blog. I really didn't think that I would hit that milestone this week, so I'm still a little shocked :)

On to the first part of the giveaway. One reader will win a fabulous Summer Glo Variety Pack from Glo Bakery! In case you don't know, Glo Bakery offers healthy, natural, organic baked goods. The pack will include a random mix of various bars that the bakery offers. Check out the website to see some of the different flavours :)

Also, check out Glo Bakery's owner, Angela's blog, Oh She Glows. OSG was one of the first blogs that I ever read. I love Angela's story of changing her life around to pursue her passions and her happiness. I feel like I'm trying to do the same thing with my health journey and that's just one of the many reasons why I love Angela's blog. So check it out :)

The second part of this celebratory post is another giveaway. This second giveaway will be a $100 donation from me to one of the international organizations that I love. The winner of the Summer Glo Variety Pack also gets to choose which charity the donation will go to :)

I wanted to include this donation in the giveaway for a couple of reasons. First, it just makes sense to support such wonderful groups :) Second, these organizations and the work that they do have really contributed to my journey for better health.

Let me explain :) Before this attempt to lose weight and find health, I was stuck in a deep and dark rut. I didn't know what I wanted to do with my life, and I really believed that I would be stuck at 340 lbs (or more) for good. I was unhappy and I was confused, just coasting by. Then, in my second year of university I took an amazing course on international development, in which I was introduced to the global issues and problems that I now want my work to deal with. That course blew my whole world open. I began to search for organizations and groups that were working on these issues. Once I figured out that I wanted to go into aid work, my whole mindset changed. I knew that if I wanted to pursue this kind of work, I had to get my health in check. I had to change.

Now, when I'm struggling to make healthy choices, when I don't want to get off the couch and work on my fitness, I remember that if I want to follow my passion and find my own happiness, I have to get and stay healthy to do the work that I believe I am supposed to be doing.

So...it is only fitting that I give a little thanks to one of these organizations. Part of me feels like they really saved my life :)

I've narrowed it down to 5 options (hello nearly impossible task!):

If you're not familiar with all of the amazing work that these groups do then just click on the links and head on over to their websites.

So the way this will work is as follows. There are a couple of ways to enter the giveaway (I'm totally stealing these from what I see on other blogs lol):

Follow the blog and leave me a comment on this post saying that you follow (if you already are a follower just say that in the comment).
Post about this giveaway on your blog or on Twitter and leave me a comment on this post with a link.
Leave a separate comment on this post telling me about the best thing you ever did for your health and happiness.

So that's 3 ways to enter. Now, this is very important, on each comment that you leave, include whichever of the 5 groups above that you think I should send the donation to.

Make sense? I hope so :)

Fine print: The giveaway is open to Canadian and US residents. You have until next Friday, July 30 to enter. I will randomly pick a winner the next day.

Lastly, thank you all so much for reading and commenting. You all have been unbelievable and I never could have expected such an amazing community of support. I am very lucky and very thankful :)

Have a great day everyone!

100 Pounds Lost!

2010-07-20T07:28:00.000-04:00

Hi friends!

Weigh in last night = big surprise! Down 2.6 after a not so perfect week. Total weight lost: 100.4 lbs.

Here is the proof:

I gasped when I saw this number (starting weigh was 337.2):
This was just the teaser post, I'll be back tomorrow with a big, fabulous, celebratory post! Stay tuned and thank you all so much for sticking this out with me :)

Getting My Shop On

2010-07-14T18:39:00.000-04:00

Hello all :)

Short post for you tonight.

I hope your weeks are going well. My worst nightmare became my reality at my part time job this week...after 6 years, our new store manager forced me to be cash trained!!! Ugh. PS- I realize this is not a big deal in the slightest...I just like to be dramatic, remember? Lol. Anyways...it was totally awful and I hated every second of it but what can you do, right? It's over with now and henceforth I will come up with every acceptable excuse to NOT practice my cashier skills and stick to my department on the floor lol.

So I realize that rant had nothing to do with anything relevant to BTI but whatev....sometimes a girl just needs to whine.

*Whine over*

Last week was good...eating 6 times a day is the best! I love it :) At weigh in this week I was down 1 lb which is awesome.

Tomorrow I'm going to the States to shop shop shop! I'm super excited to go to the grocery store and check out the new products I haven't had a chance to try yet (hello Kashi my love). I also am on the hunt for some new workout clothes so I'll have to hit up Target.

Anyways I'm off to drag my cash trained arse to the gym.

Merci beaucoup pour...um, reading.

Today's question: What are your favourite items to pick up from the States?

6 Times A Day

2010-07-10T08:36:00.000-04:00

Bonjour bonjour :)

So I had a whole bunch of pictures to show you all but blogger is being a bugger and keeps giving me the 'bad request' message and won't let me upload them! Any ideas from my techie friends on what the problem could be? (It's just my technical ineptness...isn't it?!)

Oh well.

Anyways...I am really into this whole eat 6 times a day thing. I've noticed that my cravings are not as bad (read: torturous), and I never seem to get so hungry that I would contemplate bbq-ing a human being if they got in between me and the grub. This is progress, yes? When I do get hungry I know that I get to eat soon anyway so this is really working for me. I also feel much better mentally...I don't really know how to explain it but it's like my brain doesn't feel as fuzzy or something, I can think more clearly I guess. So the 6 times a day shall continue from here on out I think. Thanks to everyone who suggested this kind of eating :)

Well blogger's block has struck so I'm out.

I'll keep working on the picture thing and be back later if I can figure out what's up (yeah...don't expect me to figure it out lol).

Happy Saturday and thanks for reading :)

Today's random question: What is your favourite way to celebrate a personal accomplishment?

I'm The Girl Who Passes Out In Public..

2010-07-06T19:32:00.000-04:00

Hello hello hello!

Thanks for all of the awesome tips you guys left on my last post on beginner cooking and battling the crazyasshungrymonster :) I really appreciate all of your comments and suggestions!

I still think I'm going to try and find a nutritionist to speak to to see if he/she can give me some pointers re. PCOS. I'll keep you all updated as I figure things out.

On to this week's weigh in....DOWN 1.4 lbs!!!! Woo hoo!!!! (Please excuse the annoying exclamation points...I'm just excited, okay?! lol) The Big One is a comin' :)

Anyways, in other breaking news...I totally fainted at work yesterday morning. On top of one of my co-workers. Poor woman, she'll probably be scarred for life!

Obviously I need to change some things up around here. I think what happened is that my blood sugar bottomed out and I just dropped. Couple the low blood sugar with the horrific heat and humidity and I was out for the count.

So, from here on out I am going to change the way I eat on a daily basis. I am going to follow some advice that K The Phoenix gave me and eat 6 times a day. My normal routine was to eat 3 meals a day plus one snack occasionally. This is not the best way for those with PCOS to eat, as it does not keep our blood sugar levels steady and can result in cravings and crazy hunger that can lead to binges, and, in my case, fainting in public.

My only goal this week is to make this 6 mini meals a day habit stick. This is going to be tricky, as I'm definitely a points hoarder...I like to save them so I can have big meals. Well, I'm just going to have to get over that, because I'm not all that willing to keep on fainting in public places (this is the third time this has happened!). My co-workers probably aren't all that into having my eyes roll into the back of my head as I topple onto them either!

Well that's all for me tonight. I'll be back later in the week with a post on how my new eating plan is working out.

Today's Questions: Do you have any health issues that have forced you to change your approach to eating? Have you ever seen a nutritionist/dietician etc.? Ever fainted in public and practically take someone else out with you? :)'

Have a great night! I'm off to flirt with my air conditioner lol.

I'm So Skilled (Kind Of)

2010-07-03T20:56:00.000-04:00

Hello :)

I hope everyone has had a lovely weekend! Some of you were lucky enough to have LONG weekends- not this girl. Retail blows. But I am thankful to have a job (or so I tell myself lol).

Anyways, this week was great in terms of my goals. I wanted to get to the gym 4 times (done and done), only partake in forbidden trysts with cheese every other day (it nearly killed me but I pulled through with this one too), and I tried to eat more veggies than fruit (remember, I have PCOS- polycystic ovary syndrome- and it does weird things to my body, like make me crave things, too much fruit sometimes results in too much craving of other not so healthy sugars....SAD). I'd say the week was a success based on these mini goals :)

The one thing I've been struggling with this week is that I've been SO tired and SO hungry! I'm wondering if this is because I have significantly increased the amount of calories I'm burning off at the gym? Or maybe I'm just making it up so I can justify eating a few more points throughout the day? Lol. Who knows! I guess I'm just having a hard time listening to my body. The truth is, no matter what I eat and how much I exercise, I am always hungry. For real, I could eat all day long. I'm like one of those research study lab rats that could eat and eat and eat until the point of explosion because they just don't know any better...because I just never feel physically full! From the research I've done, this is probably because of my PCOS. I'm not sure how to get this in check, but I'm thinking of trying to find a nutritionist who is knowledgeable about PCOS to help me out. I'll post about any developments when I figure this out :)

And now, another experiment in BTI's Kitchen. Remember, I am culinarily clueless. My sister Rachel at Delicious In The Kitchen got all of those skills :) I, on the other hand, am an excellent microwaver. I also make a mean phone call for takeout . When I started WW, these skills sort of fell to the wayside. Now I'm trying to branch out a little bit and learn how to make healthier choices in the kitchen.

This is what you get when you mix chicken, taco seasoning, salsa, sour cream, and some old cheddar together. Slap some of that onto a whole grain tortilla, stick that sucker in a $10 sandwich maker and you've got one delicious, low point quesadilla. Seriously, these were so good. They will definitely be added to my regular food rotation :)

Yum!

Okay well it's Saturday night and that can only mean one thing for this girl.....I'm off to watch the Real Housewives (of NYC, the OC, NJ, Atlanta...I don't care which, I'm not picky).

Have a wonderful night! Thanks for reading :)

Today's questions: Are you ever a hungry monster all day long, even when you're making smart and healthy food choices? How do you deal with it? Any easy and healthy recipes for a beginner chef such as myself (is there something below beginner...like pre-beginner...because that's me)?

Victory Is Mine Mandarin!

2010-06-30T12:14:00.001-04:00

Bonjour!

A very quick update for you this afternoon:

Weigh In

DOWN 0.6 lbs this week! I was so happy to see that after eating out 3 times last week :)

Goals

Gym 4 times
Limit the cheese lovin' to every other day
Eat more veggies than fruit (fruit tends to set my sugar cravings off, so I'm aiming for about 2/3 veggies and 1/3 fruits)

New Favourite Breakfast

Overnight oats!
Warm oatmeal makes me wanna vom so I wasn't sure about the much blogged about cold oats either. Turns out they are super yummy and non-barf-inducing :)
How-to: Mix together one pack of instant oatmeal, one smashed up banana, and some almond milk in a bowl. Put in fridge over night. Add delicious toppings in the morning like peanut butter and dark chocolate chips. Yes, that is the extent of my 'cooking skills'. Delicious!

Okay I'm off to eat my lunch :)

Have a wonderful day bloggers!

Today's questions: Is there any particular food that you just don't like, that everyone else and their mother seem to love? Any typical healthy foods that you just can't stand? I still can't get on the cottage cheese bandwagon. I don't particularly enjoy salad either. What about you?

Mandarin Buffet...

2010-06-27T21:41:00.000-04:00

Hello hello hello!

So as promised in my last post, I took pictures of my food tonight at my food mecca Mandarin Buffet. I think things went pretty well, I looked up the points value for all of my favourites and planned my day accordingly, making sure to get my WW Good Health Guidelines in this morning. I stuck to my plan and I'm pretty proud of myself for that, because usually a trip to Mandarin equals me conveniently forgetting that I am a WW member lol. Not this time! However, there is still a good chance that I will be up at my weigh in tomorrow due to the astronomically high levels of sodium in this kind of buffet food. I am trying to just accept that fact and move on (I'm not quite there yet, but I'm trying).

So here are the food pics:

This was my first plate (I only had one plate of this food, usually I have this x3 plus more). My 'main course' was half a cup of mashed potatoes, half a cup of pepper steak, about 2 ounces of grilled chicken, a bunch of grape tomatoes, and 3 pieces of the super thin crust pizza that they have (don't fret, they are small pieces!)

Next up was dessert. This is about half a cup of orange sherbert (is that how you spell it?) So good.
Then I had a dessert size plate of strawberries and two of these mini chocolate chip cookies (they were my big treat of the night). I also had about a teaspoon of mini M&Ms. I didn't plan for those, but in all honesty I think there were about 10 of these little things on my plate so I'm not too worried about them. Plus I had the points to cover them.
More fruit. Before hand I told myself that my main focus for dessert would be the fruit. Usually I consume about half of a chocolate cream pie, 3 or 4 cookies, and a sundae. Yes friends, I'm a food champion, I know lol.
And throughout my meal I had this glass of water x5.
So that's what I ate at themostchallengingfoodvenueofmyentirelife Mandarin. I ate significantly less junk than I usually do, drank more water, and ate more fruit so I think my trip was a success.

My goals for this week were to make it to the gym 5 times (I did that), and to only have cheese every other day (brace yourselves, I only had cheese on 2 days this week! Take that you hard lard!) I'm thinking my goals for next week will be a repeat but I'll decide tomorrow night.

Well that's it for me tonight, I'm off to drink my body weight in water :)

Have a great start to your week bloggers!

PS- Check out my friend Tanya's blog for a link on how to make your own super cool header. You all know by now how technologically inept I am, but even I could follow these instructions :)

Today's question: Any remedies to combat water retention? FYI -I learned today that one serving of Lo Mein has more sodium in it than an entire Dominoe's pizza! Ridiculous.

Gets Me Every Time

2010-06-22T09:44:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone!

So not much to report here. I was down 0.4 lbs at weigh in yesterday which is great.

This week's goals:

I need some space from my true love cheese: this week I will only consume it every other day instead of multiple times every single day.
I must stay on top of my processed foods intake: I know you must be sick of seeing this one, but I find that this is really the key to my losses and, more importantly, to feeling better overall. Last week I definitely had too much fake food, and that just doesn't work for my body.
Bust my arse at the gym: My goal is to get there 5 times this week. There, I put it out there, now I have to do it :)

This week I'm going out to eat 3 times. We went out once last night to celebrate Father's Day, and it turned out great because I could find the nutritional information to track my points properly. The next 2 times eating out this week won't be so easy, as the nutritional info. is not to be found :( I tend to fall into the trap of just eating whatever I want when I go out, because I don't do it that often so I just figure a little indulgence at one meal won't hurt me if I'm careful the rest of the week. But this week I'm determined to make better choices.

By far my biggest challenge will be my trip to the food mecca, known to normal people without food issues as the Mandarin buffet. The last time I ate at the Mandarin I face planted my way into food oblivion! It was glorious at the time, but I paid for it at weigh in. I swear, it gets me every single time. For the sake of accountability, my plan this trip will involve me photographing my food for BTI. Hopefully this will keep me from going buck wild lol. Mandarin is also the reason for my ambitious (for a gym hater such as myself) gym goal. Hopefully some extra cardio will help balance out the less than great food that I will undoubtedly consume at the restaurant.

Oh yeah, did I mention that we'll be going to food heaven the night before my weigh in?! Yeah, Chinese food the night before, hello sodium, you nasty devil you. Water will be guzzled, that is a given. Oh well, this is for life. I don't want to miss out on seeing friends because I'm afraid of a temporary gain, that's just plain crazy. It's about health, not crazy paranoid scale-fear, right?

Wish me luck this week friends :) Have a wonderful day and thanks for reading!

Today's questions: What are your best tips for eating at buffets? I've seen a couple of people in blogland making the trip to Mandarin in the last few days, how did you do it?

Weigh In, Goals, and NYC!

2010-06-16T19:07:00.000-04:00

Hello hello hello!

Happy Wednesday bloggers :)

Thanks for the comments on my fear post last week. It's comforting to know that so many of us deal with the same issues on this "I refuse to call it a weight loss journey" journey lol :)'

So this week at weigh in the weight loss gods blessed me with a 2.2 lb loss. Needless to say, I was thrilled. I think I've said before that on a really really good week I can maybe hope for a pound and a half loss, so this week was excellent in terms of weigh in. My total loss is now 94.4 lbs...only 5.6 to go to the big one! Remember to look out for that special post! (I figure if I put that out there then I will keep my arse in gear and stay on plan lol).

My mini goals this week are a repeat of last week's (don't mess with a good thing, right?) A refresher in case you don't remember (or, in case I don't remember):

Ole faithful: less fake food, more real food.
More actually measuring my food, less pretending that a cup of cheese is only a 1/3 cup of cheese.
No extra tastes and bites of whatever food catches my eye (um, yeah, I have impeccable vision when it comes to food, A LOT of it catches my eye!)
Weight training: times deux.

Well that's it for me tonight. My sisters and I are planning a trip to New York City and my life is now consumed with planning planning planning! Can you imagine all of the lists I am concocting?! True confession: I have a list going on that is solely dedicated to all of the flavours of cupcakes that I will be on the hunt for. Don't tell Weight Watchers, they might kick me out lol.

Have a wonderful night and thanks for reading :)

Today's questions: How do you approach your healthiness goals when you're traveling?Abandonment may be my plan of attack for this particular excursion :) If you've been to NYC, any recommendations/tips for my sisters and I? Restaurants, shows, attractions, shopping?

What Are You Afraid Of?

2010-06-08T22:38:00.000-04:00

Hello bloggers!

I can't believe it's Sunday already. Time just flies!

This week has gone really well. I kept up with all of my goals as best I could so we'll see what my weigh in brings tomorrow. You just never know what's going to happen on that scale!

So as I mentioned in my last post, I wanted to talk about some of my weight loss related fears. I'm not trying to be a downer here, but I think it's important to recognize these things so that I can eventually get over them.

Here are some of the things that have been on my mind lately:

Maintenance: I'm afraid that I won't know how to maintain my loss. Everyone says that maintenance is the hardest part of this process. This terrifies me, because, let me tell you, most days of the week I find this losing business to be the hardest thing that I've ever done. How the heck can it get any harder than this?!
Re-fatting: Many of us have tried to lose weight before and have ended up gaining it all (plus more) back. This is my third attempt at Weight Watchers, and each time I stopped doing it I gained my weight back plus about 40 lbs. The statistics show that most people who lose weight don't keep it off, and that people who have lost a significant amount of weight are even more disposed to gaining it back. This is probably my number 1 fear.
Appearance: What will my body look like 'after'? Will I ever be content with it? Let me make this point clear, I don't expect perfection and I realize that there will always be something about my physical appearance that irks me. But I'm afraid that I will be legitimately unhappy with the way my body turns out after I've finished the losing part of this journey.
Mind games: I'm afraid that my mind won't catch up with my body's changes. I see this happening already. Sometimes I still feel like the same girl (physically speaking) that I was when I started this over a year ago. Maybe it just takes time for your mind to play catch up? Here's hoping.
Lastly, I wonder if I will ever feel normal in my own skin.

So, there you have it, some of the things that pop into my head and freak me out every once in a while.

Have a great Sunday everyone! I'll be back with an update in a few days :)

Today's questions: Do you guys think about these kinds of things? What are you doing to work through these or other fears?

Update And Another Instalment Of Today's Reasons

2010-06-08T19:42:00.000-04:00

Hello hello hello!

Thank you for all of your congratulations on getting over the 90 lbs lost mark :) And...thanks for all of your book suggestions on my last post...this nerd has expanded her to be read list exponentially, which is never a bad thing (but...is it odd that my list is about 6 pages typed, and that when my computer went bust the first thing that I worried about was my book list that I had been working on for 7 years? lol).

Anyways....back to the topic at hand, shall we? Last week went pretty well. I didn't go buck wild on the processed foods, but there is always room for improvement (read: chocolate caramel granola bars sometimes speak to me late at night and I cave to their goodness, fake food and all). But I managed to hold it together for the most part. I also dragged my butt to the gym 4 times and got my elliptical on. I was rewarded with a loss of 0.6 lbs yesterday at the scale. Down is down my friends. Down is down. Period. PS- last week a lady at my meeting was complaining about only losing 2 lbs. I almost kicked her in the face. That is all.

Onto this week's goals:

The old stand by: eat more real food and less fake food
Stop cheating with the measurements. Must level off the teaspoon of peanut butter.
No more extra bites and tastes of food that is unaccounted for. (Seriously, do I really believe that the carton of ice cream that I've been sneaking bites from all week has no calories just because I didn't measure it out all in one sitting? What is my deal?!)
Weight training: twice.

Now, onto another instalment of Today's Reasons. These are just some of the things that are keeping me on track right now at this moment:

The other day I saw a new bone poking out of my leg (well, okay, it's not new, seeing as it's been there since the day I was born, but it had been hiding under a few too many layers of fat for quite some time lol).
Today at work one of my co-workers who I haven't seen in a few months told me that I "look so good and nice and sexy." Hehehe she's so cute and I may have busted out laughing when she said it. Totally made my day :)
I don't even remember the last time that I had knee pain. Thank you knees. Thank you.
I can now wrap a towel around my bangin' body lol. As usual, simple pleasures for this girl.
My niece and nephews make me so proud to be an aunt. I want to be around to hang out with those 3 amazing little people, they make me unbelievably happy.
I am crazy excited to live my life. There is so much I want to do and see and getting my health in check will allow me to do that (Africa here I come!)

Well bloggers, writer's block has engulfed me and Jason Derulo is calling out to me. Love his music, gets me pumped every single time I hear it.

I'll be back later in the week with a post about some of my weight loss related fears. Stay tuned :)

Today's question: Simple: What are today's reasons?

Over The 90 Pound Hump, Goals, and Beautiful Bloggers

2010-06-02T12:47:00.000-04:00

Hello hello!

Well how is everyone's week going so far? Spectacular, I hope :)

Special thanks for all of your supportive comments on my progress pics. I will try and post some more in a couple of months, perhaps at the end of the summer.

Just a quick update this afternoon to say that I was down 2.2 lbs at weigh in this week. Excellent. I said before that I focus on 10 lb goals so as not to get overwhelmed by the seemingly gargantuan overall goal of 177 lbs to lose...well this week's loss put me over the 90 lb hump which is awesome. 100 pounds lost here I come! I have a special post planned for that event so watch out for it :)

I'm not sure what my goals are this week except for the ever present cut back on processed food and keep active goals. Maybe that's enough for this week, yes?

Well onto more beautiful matters...some of my lovely blogging buddies have been ever so wonderful as to gift me with the Beautiful Blogger Award. Many many many thanks to my girls Lisa, Toni, WavyLove, and Katie. (Hehe look...I learned how to link to other blogs like a big girl lol...oh goodness, let me know if I did it wrong!) Check them out! They are all amazing and a big part of my motivation for staying on plan- thank you girls!

So part of accepting this award is that I have to tell you 7 random things about myself. You know I'm all over any excuse to make a list:

1) I have a thing for Kevin Bacon. There, I said it.

2) I've never been outside of Canada or the US, but I want to travel the world as part of my future career.

3) I don't believe in re-reading books. To Kill A Mockingbird is my favourite book, but I've only read it once, 9 years ago. My theory is that there are just too many amazing books out there to spend time re-reading the ones I've already been through. Plus, I want to remember my faves the way they were when I read them the first time.

4) I'm very fond of the Buddha.

5) I'm kind of an insomniac.

6) I LOVE New York City.

7) My sister and I watched the movie Bring It On 7 times one night.

The other part of accepting this award is that I am supposed to pass it along to 7 other wonderful bloggers. Okay, for real, this part of the award gives me serious anxiety. How can I ever choose just 7?!

Well....it's my blog and I'm choosing not to!!!! (**Insert evil laugh here**) I love all of the bloggers who I follow, that is why I follow them :) I just can't decide, it's too much pressure and will cause me to have nightmares about hurting people's feelings and leaving out people who inspire me!

So there :)

I hereby pass this award onto all of the bloggers on my blogroll. Check it out...it's over there somewhere--->

Have a beautiful day friends!

Today's Questions: Do you ever get anxious about things that really shouldn't bother you? If so, how do you deal with that? Also...it's summertime and that means that I need some new reading material! Any must reads on your book lists? I'm reading The Book of Negroes now, but I need to get my next choices lined up (yes, I do that- I told you I'm a nerd!)

Thanks for reading!

Progress

2010-05-26T20:55:00.000-04:00

Hi bloggers!

So, one goal I set for myself this week was to try and find some good progress pics to post here on BTI. The second part of that goal was to try and figure out how to actually post them :) Have I mentioned how technologically inept I am? I don't even know how to put music onto my fake ipod lol. I was clearly born in the wrong time period. My apologies if these pictures don't load properly. Also, they're kind of in the wrong order but I don't know how to re-arrange them hehe.

So this is me about 2 months ago, waiting around at the hospital for my sister to have her baby. I thought I'd take some pictures of myself, because I'm cool like that lol. Side shot.
More of me wasting time at the hospital. Ps- man those jeans really were too big and sloppy to be wearing in public. I don't think the newborns minded though :)
This was me 2 years ago. I was going to town on that plate of deliciousness from Mandarin. I think this is a very suitable before picture lol. Add about 20 lbs to that and you'll have me around my highest (337).
This picture was taken a couple of years ago. I don't remember how much I weighed here but it gives you an idea of where I started.

Well friends, I hope your weeks are going wonderfully and that the heat isn't torturing you too much. I'm off to dream of snow days and icicles.

Thanks for reading!

Because I Feel Like Making Lists

2010-05-25T19:41:00.000-04:00

Bonjour mes amies!

I hope everyone had a nice and relaxing long weekend. I had to work all weekend in the 7th level of hell (read: retail). But aside from that it was a lovely weekend :)

Warning: at the core of my being I am a super nerd...and this nerd loves to make lists...lists of places I want to go, books I want, books I have, things I want to try, courses I want to take etc. etc. etc. In honour of my inner geek, here are some lists to sum up where I'm at right now.

Last Week's Progress:

Got in all my Good Health Guidelines every day, cut back on processed foods (this is one goal I am always working on), didn't get out on my 2 bike rides but did drag my lazy butt to the gym 4 times (I know, my repressed gym rat self is very slowly emerging lol).
Had a few too many extra bites of a few too many extra foods (read: my mother almost slapped me after my 20th handful of HER popcorn). I was very snacky, not out of control or anything but not my norm either :(
My Weight Watchers meeting was cancelled (boo!) due to the holiday...usually this means that I eat like a gluttonous fool for the first week and then miraculously warp into a food angel the next week and hope that my body is so confused that it maintains, or cranks out a small loss. BUT, this time I have tried very hard to eat like I normally would, and pretended that I would still have a weigh in yesterday....I managed to stay on track and I'm pretty proud of myself (cheap thrills for this girl lol).

This Week's Goals:

Stop snacking and pretending that it doesn't count.
Keep up my gym rat status (or, just make it there 3 times lol).
Find, and build up the nerve, to post some progress pictures of myself here on BTI.

What I'm Struggling With Right Now:

As my school semester ended, I started working more, and as a result I am much much much hungrier than I usually am and I don't know how to deal with that...any suggestions? I don't think it actually warrants me eating more food, but I don't appreciate being hungry every second of the day.
The weather: I have no problem admitting that I would take winter over summer any day of the year (please don't stone me)...I do not enjoy humidity, it's making me lazy and sloth-like.
Impatience: I am getting antsy about reaching my 100 lb loss...I want it now. But I know that I'll get there and I know that it doesn't matter in the end if I reach it in a couple months or if I reach it at a later date...but I can admit that my 5 year old tendencies have been making an appearance lately and I just want to get there right this second! I'm trying to get over it :)

What Is Keeping Me On Track Right Now:

My amazing family...I really lucked out with these guys. Supportive does not even begin to describe them.
You guys!!! I know I've said this before, but the comments that you guys leave are so sweet and very often give me the motivation that I need to get through some rough moments on my journey to better health. I still can't even believe that people are actually reading what I write and relating to some of it. So, thanks for that friends :)

Okay that's all I got tonight! I'm off to watch the Biggest Loser finale...I just can't help myself.

Today's questions: Feel like making a list? Go for it...it can be about anything....yes, I love lists so much that I want to read all of yours too!

Half Way There!

2010-05-18T20:32:00.000-04:00

Hello hello!

So yesterday the Weight Watchers gods showed me some pity and gave me a loss of 0.8 lbs! I was super excited to see that, because, as I said in my last post, last week was not great in terms of this whole healthy living kick I'm on. My sugar cravings were OUT OF CONTROL, which means that I must have started the week off with too much sugar (hmmm, perhaps it was the chocolate turtle tart the size of my head that did it to me lol-p.s. thank you Whole Foods, thank you for the giant chocolate tart with a cup-sized scoop of caramel and pecans on top of it, my life is now closer to completion). I also had an unplanned for meal out on Friday night that consisted of cheesy nachos (more cheese than chip, naturally), french fries, and a chicken club burger. The problem was that I had already eaten all of my points for the day, and I couldn't find the nutritional information for that meal to figure out how to actually account for it. Oh well, one indulgent (read: fabulous!) meal didn't send me soaring to 337 lbs, right? I just got back on plan the next day and tried not to feel guilty about my choices the night before.

So I think it's time for some weekly goals, yes? Here they are:

Get in ALL of Weight Watcher's Good Health Guidelines every day (including those waste-of-my-points oil and dairy servings! Hehe just kidding. Sort of.)
Cut back on processed foods so as to get my sugar cravings under control (when I say 'under control' what I really mean is make it so that I don't want to cause physical harm to anyone who steps between me and the last brownie. Not kidding. Not even sort of.)
Go out on 2 bike rides (side note: does anyone know where I can get a reasonably priced cruiser bike? You know, the ones that look like they're from the '50s?)
Go to the gym at least 2 times (I've already gone once, such a keener lol- p.s. I found a new reason to drag my arse to the gym...may or may not be a certain trainer that I can't even look in the eye without blushing like a J-Biebs-obsessed 12 year old...don't judge me. Please.)

Oh this is random but a few days ago I realized that I am half way to my goal weight! Holy crap! When the heck did that happen?! Needless to say that realization perked me right up. Time to get sappy: if you are in any way doubting that you are capable of achieving your goals (they don't have to be health and fitness related), PLEASE STOP. You can have anything that you are willing to work for and I am proof of that. It may take a long time and it will most likely be a pain in the butt on more than one occasion, but it's so possible and it's SO WORTH IT. *End sappy portion of this post*

Well, I think that's it for me tonight. Thank you guys so much for reading!

Have a wonderful evening friends :)

Today's Questions: Do you doubt yourself and your abilities? How do you increase your self confidence and the belief that you can actually be successful with the challenges that you undertake?

And this one has nothing to do with my post, but I am in need of some good workout songs! What are your favourites? I'd love some really cheesy, cliche, corny, motivating songs. Eye of the Tiger anyone?

Drive By Posting

2010-05-16T18:51:00.000-04:00

Hi everyone,

Sorry it has taken me so long to update. Just a quick post to confirm that I am, in fact, alive :) Last week I was down 1.6 at weigh in which is great. I'm pretty sure I'll be up tomorrow, it was just one of those weeks. But that's okay, life happens sometimes, right? (I think I'm rationalizing, yes?)

I have some family issues going on right now so I'll try and be back with a real post some time soon after things get sorted out.

Have a wonderful night bloggers!

What the trucker?!

2010-05-03T20:17:00.000-04:00

Hey hey!

I'm so glad so many of you liked my last post! I LOVE reading all of your comments and I so appreciate everyone who takes the time to write them. You guys all inspire me and keep me motivated, so thanks so much :)

So looks like I forgot to update you guys after last week's weigh in. And when I say forget what I really mean is my computer flashed the white screen of death and died, then I got super busy the rest of the week, then I got super lazy. My apologies :)

So to catch you all up, last week I lost 3.8 pounds! Holy mother! The rest of the week was awesome. Honestly, I had the best week in terms of food and activity that I have had this whole time I have been trying to get my health in check. So I was super excited to go to weigh in tonight, just knowing that I would see a loss after all of my hard work this week, I could just sense it in my bones...you can guess where I'm going with this right? Instead of another loss I was faced with a gain! What the heck?! I was up 0.2 pounds tonight. I'm not gonna lie I was totally surprised with that and more than a little pissed. BUT...I got over it right quick and will just keep on trucking this week because that'a all a girl can do, right? So now I've lost 87 pounds instead of 87.2 pounds...no big deal. Getting upset over such a small gain is a complete waste of time so onward I go.

This week my goal is to focus on getting in all of what Weight Watchers calls the Good Health Guidelines. This means that I'll be trying to get in whole grains, all my servings of fruits and veggies, lean protein, dairy, water, and healthy oils each day. WW also suggests that you take a multivitamin. I did that last week but it seems that the vitamins have been having weird effects on my stomach (meaning I've been getting stabbing death pains in my gut...not normal, yes?) I think this week I may have to lay off my Flintstone vitamins (yes, I'm a wimp and was scared of side effects so decided to start off with the kiddie dose...don't judge me lol). I don't know why, but taking them kind of freaks me out...I prefer to just get my nutrients from real food.

Okay I have writer's block so that's it for now.

Today's questions: What are your thoughts on multivitamins and other supplements? Are the stomach death pains normal? Am I just being a wuss? If you're on WW, do you try and focus on the GHGs each day? What is the hardest thing for you to get into your diet each day (for me it was the veggies and the oils).

Thanks for reading!

Today's Reasons

2010-04-25T16:26:00.000-04:00

Hello hello!

First of all, thank you SO much to everyone who left a comment on my last post. I loved reading about everyone's experiences and opinions on how to deal with guilt. I have the best readers ever :)

These are some of today's reasons as to why I am staying on track with my food and activity:

I love seeing how my body is changing. Last night I could wrap my pinky finger and my thumb around my wrist and I just about had a conniption I was so excited. I don't think my wrists have ever allowed this, those chubby little buggers! The other day I also felt a bone in my back that I didn't even know existed (I may have thought I had a cancerous growth for a second but then my brain kicked in and told me otherwise) You know, it really doesn't take much to make me happy:)
I love being able to make multiple trips up and down the stairs without feeling like I'm on my deathbed afterwords.
I love how I'm becoming braver and less afraid to really live my life.
I really love being able to walk into the Superstore and knowing that there will be something in the Joe section that will fit me :)
I also really love feeling proud of myself for succeeding at something that I never thought I would be able to conquer.
I really really love FEELING. Period.
I love changing who I am. I'm no longer the fat girl who was really good at school. I'm just Amanda and that feels amazing.

Things have gone really well this week in terms of food and activity. I cut out a lot of processed food this week and I even got in all of my Weight Watchers healthy guidelines today (I've never gotten all of them in one day so I'm excited about that). I even managed to not have cheese 2 days this week, which I didn't even commit too before hand (um, yeah, I should get a medal for that one!) My biking adventures are super fun. I got a new bike seat so now I don't want to amputate my arse after riding. I also made it to the gym 4 times this week which I'm very happy with (well, I hate the gym so I'm not actually happy about physically being there but whatev, you know what I mean).

I hope everyone has had a lovely weekend! I'll be back with my weigh in results and next week's goals either tomorrow or Tuesday.

Today's question: Right now, what are your reasons for staying on plan or for trying to take care of yourself and your health?

Guilt

2010-04-19T20:34:00.000-04:00

Hi bloggers,

So I went to my weigh in tonight and I was down 0.4 lbs. That's progress so I'm happy. I'm always trying to be realistic with my weigh ins and patient with my body. I know that that loss may seem small to some but as long as the scale keeps moving in the right direction I figure I have nothing to complain about :)

For this week I am going to focus on moving more. Over the weekend I convinced (read: begged) my dad to dig out and fix up my old bike so that I could try and get some new activity in. I have mentioned that I've been in a fitness rut lately and that I am not enjoying the gym at all right now, my friend the elliptical has definitely lost some of his luster! So while I'll still be going to the gym to work on some strength training I'm going to focus my cardio efforts on the bike for a while. I went out for 2 bike rides this weekend (but when I say 'bike rides' what I really mean is 10 minute escapades around the park behind my house lol start small, right?) I felt like a kid! It has been over 10 years since I've been on a bike and I can't for the life of me figure out how to go around corners yet but I'm having fun so far (although pedestrians really aren't safe when I'm out and about hehe). This week the plan is to mix it up by doing smaller elliptical workouts and longer bike rides. Wish me luck!

The other thing I wanted to talk about tonight is something I've been thinking about for a little while now. Since I've started to lose weight and focus on my health I've noticed that I've become more outgoing and am trying to actually live life more and go after the things that I really want for myself. This is super exciting and makes me really happy, but I can't help but think about all of the things that I missed out on prior to starting my 'weight loss journey' (ugh I just puked a little bit...I warned you that that term inexplicably creeps me out, right?) To be really honest here, I know that my weight held me back for most of my life. I was shy (still am but not in the debilitating way that I was), physically incapable of doing a lot of things, had super low self-esteem, I had anxiety coming out the wazoo, I never opened up to people outside of my family, and I just couldn't really feel anything in terms of emotions. It would be an understatement to say that I was an extremely guarded person and kept most people at arm's length.

I guess I feel a lot of guilt and regret for missing out on so much in the earlier part of my life. There were a lot of things, and a lot of people, that I shied away from because I was so self-conscious. Looking back now, I wish I would have participated more and let more people into my life. I know it's a waste of time to feel regret over the past, but it's just something that I've really been trying to understand about myself, because I don't ever want to go back to being that girl who couldn't feel anything.

The good thing is that now I use my former, numb self as motivation to never go back to where I started from. I don't want to go through my life without experiencing things and without really feeling my emotions, and I know that being 337 lbs and gorging myself daily on processed food will bring me right back to that spot. I suppose all I can do is focus on living my life now and making sure that my future is as full as I want it to be :)

Today's Questions: Do you ever feel regret or guilt about your past? How do you overcome that guilt? What are your best tips for really going after what you want out of life?

I hope everyone has a wonderful week!

Why Is My City So Lame...

2010-04-14T15:58:00.000-04:00

Hi hi hi!

Clearly I've been blog slackin' lately. But I've been on the ball in other areas of my life (read: making my lazy butt finish my degree!) so hopefully it all balances out lol.

So I was up at weigh in this week, which is not a big surprise to me after my face plant at Easter :) I was only up 1.8 lbs, so I guess that's not so bad. That's the biggest gain I 've had so far so I'm not gonna lie, my ego was bruised pretty badly. But I've been on plan since my last post so hopefully I'll see a loss at next week's weigh in. A girl can hope, yes?

Onward we go.

I only have one goal for the remainder of this week and that is just to simply stay on plan (I know, I 'm such an overachiever, right? HA!) No but seriously I just need to focus on making the healthiest choices I can this week and get back into my routine. I've been feeling kind of off for the past few weeks and I'm over that crap. Time to get back in line.

On to other news. My mom and I just got back from a trip to Oakville, and I think I may just have to move there, as they are in possession of the greatest grocery store on the planet. For real. If you're guessing that I'm gushing about Whole Foods then you're bang on friends. Honestly, why does my city suck so much?! Why can't we have a Whole Foods here?! I was so excited that my mom wanted to go today as we've never been before and the only other time I've been to Whole Foods was when I was in New York City (um, don't even get me started on how much I love NYC and how much it makes me hate my stinking city even more than I already do lol). Needless to say I was giddy the whole time we were there, mostly because I found the dark chocolate peanut butter that I would marry if it were legal (yay for marriage equality hehe). There are just so many options at that store that we can't find here. *End Gush*

As far as exercise, I've decided that I'm going to try biking for a while. I've been inexplicably craving the outdoors lately (if you knew me better you'd laugh, nay snicker, at that comment, but I'm gonna do it!) Biking it will be.

Sorry this post is so random and all over the place, I think I'm high on Benadryl.

I'm sure that I'm forgetting some earth shatteringly important information in this update but that's all for now friends.

PS- Thanks so much to everyone who has been leaving me comments, you sure know how to make a fat girl feel good about herself :)

PPS- Special thanks to my sweet friend Tanya over at Dreams, Diapers, and Dilemmas (I'd link to her blog but you should probably know that I am technologically inept and don't actually know how to...you think I'm being dramatic again, but for real I know how to turn on my computer and type and look up cupcake bakery websites and that's pretty much the extent of my computer knowledge). She gave me a Beautiful Blogger Award and made my day. Thanks Tanya!

Face Plant

2010-04-06T21:19:00.000-04:00

Hello!

So it's been a while since I've updated. Please forgive me friends :)

True confession #1: Last week was essentially a write off. Easter weekend I pretty much face planted right into WW failure. I didn't track honestly, I didn't get any activity in, I didn't eat any fruits or vegetables, I didn't drink enough water, and, what is most disappointing to me is that I just didn't think about what I was eating. Needless to say, I overate, and I gorged on mostly nutritionally devoid foods.

For the sake of accountability, here is a sampling of what I ate (and keep in mind this is just some of the crap that I ate from Friday to Sunday)

Mandarin Buffet. Hmmm, where to begin? Oh, I know, how about the 3 (albeit small) pieces of pepperoni pizza, the mashed potatoes, the pepper steak, the chicken wing, the chicken ball, the 2 huge pieces of buttered bread, the 3 breakfast sausages, or the chicken fried rice that I mindlessly inhaled? Not your style? Okay, how about the chocolate cream pie, the ice cream sundae, the 2 chocolate chip cookies, the chocolate covered strawberry, or the chocolate fudge cake that I had for dessert? Ah, now you're with me. When I go to the Mandarin my philosophy is, as you can see, go big or go home. One bad meal isn't the end of the world, but my problem is I went home and continued to binge all day and night long.
Dutch chocolate frozen yogurt. My best guess is that I ate about 3/4 of the entire container over 3 days. All. By. Myself.
4 milk chocolate milano cookies that I did not have the points for.
1 bag of mini eggs, one caramilk egg, and one package of chocolate caramilk bunnies. Say hello to Easter Sunday's breakfast.
Easter lunch: ham (did not even weigh it), hash brown casserole (fake measured), 2 croissants with butter smeared on top (couldn't even be bothered to fake measure it), cheese (and you know I didn't measure this one), probably 10 triscuits.
Easter dinner: rinse and repeat Easter lunch above, minus the croissants. Then add 2 cups of chocolate brownie ice cream, and some random oreo ice cream stick thing. Oh, and one more bag of mini eggs to round out the day on a high note.

When I fall, I like to do it hard :) I bet I just made many of you feel a lot better about your weekend choices though, didn't I? See, I'm just trying to provide a public service here, that's all.

Good news is, I was only really off track on Friday and Sunday. And, I bounce back like nobody's business, and Monday and today have been some of my best days food wise in a long time. This is the lesson for me, getting right back on track, no matter how big of a hole I have dug myself into. I'm not going to beat myself up over this, or feel guilty, or worry all week about my weigh in next Monday (ps- my meeting was canceled yesterday which is the only reason I didn't weigh in this week, I don't believe in skipping meetings out of fear). Those feelings and that worry and that guilt are useless and counterproductive. The best way to get back on plan is to just get back on plan. This is what I have tried to do since my face plant of a weekend.

True confession #2: I am literally hating exercise recently. I haven't done any activity in nearly 2 weeks. I think this qualifies as an exercise funk, yes? Ugh. Any words of wisdom are more than welcome.

That's all I got for now bloggers.

I hope your Easter weekends were wonderful!

I Love My Fam

2010-03-30T18:49:00.000-04:00

Hello readers!

First off I have to congratulate my amazing sister and brother in law...they welcomed their first baby this Sunday morning!!! His name is Jack and he is beautiful, 9 lbs 5 oz, and already makes me so happy :) I was already an aunt to my other sister's two children and I have to say that being an aunt is my favourite thing. These kids (all 3 of them) just make me so happy. I am so lucky to have them in my life.

On a completely unrelated note...experience of terror #2 (second presentation) is now over! I cannot even tell you how relieved I am to be done with these suckers. I have pretty much been dreading these presentations since my first year in university when I found out about them. Done done done. I am thrilled :)

Onto this week's weigh in. Well...I was a little worried that that little pizza and dipping sauce mishap I had this week would have me up this week. Turns out I was down 3 lbs. What now?! I just don't get this weight loss stuff...I can have a perfect week and see a gain and other times I am way over my points and see a giant loss. Not that I'm complaining this week obviously :) Just goes to show you that you can't judge your success based on one meal (or, in my case, based on 18 points worth of sauce lol). I always say that it's consistency that matters in the end.

I was pretty successful this week with my goals.
1)No cheese on two days of the week---SUCCESS (but frankly it almost killed me...I'm a work in progress.)
2)Measurements---SUCCESS (I think I have my measurement problem under control, for now.)
3)Gym 3 days---FAIL (I blame Jack for this one haha, plan was to go to the gym on Sunday but Jack made his first appearance Sunday at 2:41 am...I didn't get home from the hospital until 5 am, then slept through my gym time...I have to say that doesn't bother me even a bit...again, I'm a work in progress people!)

New goals:
1)Better work on my fitness (or lack thereof) this week. 3 times.
2)Be reasonable on Easter (aka don't eat the giant size bag of mini eggs, go for the smaller pack, you know, the one that normal people get :)

That's all for me tonight. Off to work on a paper (read: off to look at my pictures of Jack whilst I pretend to do research.)

Have a great night all!

PS- I had Taco Bell for dinner. I'll pay for it later but to be quite honest that mystery meat was absolutely delicious. Don't judge me :)

She Ate What?!

2010-03-27T15:31:00.000-04:00

Happy Saturday readers!

Well I hope everyone is having a lovely weekend :) One of my sisters is pregnant and was due yesterday so all I can think about is the new baby that will be here any day now, so exciting!

*Side note: Rach, do you think you could wait until Tuesday until you pop that sucker out? How about just as I am about to go into my last seminar class, that would really be optimal. Kthanksbye*

Anyways, I think I'm doing pretty well with this week's goals. I have been a measurement perfectionist this week (let me just tell you, I have been eating so many extra points by fake measuring...you know, where you use a tablespoon to measure out the peanut butter but don't level it off, resulting in a *tablespoon* of peanut butter that could probably fill up a cereal bowl) Tisk tisk. But I was honest this week and actually measured and weighed things the way a good little weight watcher does :) I made it to the gym twice, and I'm going tomorrow afternoon so I'll hit that goal too. As for me and the food of the gods (also known as cheese to those without any weird food attachments), I haven't had any today...but it's only 3:46 and anything can happen when cheese is in the house. But I think (read: hope) that I'll be okay this week with the cheese goal.

Today I also tried something that I never ever thought I would. Ready for it? I had a Green Monster smoothie! That's right friends, I made a delicious strawberry banana smoothie and defiled...I mean, enhanced it, with two cups of spinach! No but in all honesty this smoothie was awesome. Lots of blogs that I read have been talking about Green Monsters for quite some time, and about how delicious they are, but I was a skeptic and thought that these bloggers were off their rockers. But for real you can't even taste the spinach at all, and once you get passed the gross colour the taste is the exact same as a smoothie without the spinach. And you know I don't believe in eating things that taste bad so you can trust me on this one if you haven't tried these. I still suck at getting my veggies in so I thought I'd give this a whirl and I was not disappointed.

One of my not so smart food choices this week involved 2 slices of walk-in pizza (you know the kind, they're generally the size of your entire head) and 2 containers of a certain garlic dipping sauce. Now, here's where my rookie mistake came in. It's not that I ate the pizza, because I had the points for it and I haven't had it since October. The error here was that I ate the garlic dipping sauce before figuring out how many points it was. Care to guess how many points are in one of those containers? Here's a hint, it starts with 'n' and ends in 'ine.' That's right...9 points!!!! And that's just for one of them, and I ate 2!!!! Let's just say I am now in the red points wise and wouldn't be all that surprised if I saw a gain this week. Grrrr. But, it was my fault for not checking the nutritional info. before I partook in that garlicky goodness. In all honesty though, that pizza and sauce was pretty damn good so I can't really say that I regret it that much hehehe. Live and learn, right? At least now I know for the next time that I decide to fill my body with that completely useless (but tasty) junk :)

We shall see how this week's choices play out at weigh in on Monday.

Have a fabulous weekend everyone...and be weary of those deceptive little containers of sauce my friends, they are tricky little buggers.

Question: Any food blunders this week? What do you do when you make a rookie mistake like not checking points before you eat?

I'm Too Tired For A Clever Or Relevant Title...

2010-03-23T19:12:00.000-04:00

Hello!

So I am back from my temporarily self-imposed blogging exile! My 30 page paper is complete (enough) for now, and experience of terror #1 (class presentation) was done as of 2:00 this afternoon (thank Buddha for that). My number one fear in life is definitely public speaking, so I am super relieved to have that one out of the way. I have one more next week and then I can relax and stop having hourly panic attacks :)

So here is a re-cap of how last week's goals went:
1) One serving of nastiness...I mean...veggies...per day---SUCCESS
2) No cheese for at least two days out of the week---FAIL...how about no cheese on one day hehehe, I'm working on it.
3) Be a measurement stickler---SUCCESS

Now on to this week's goals. I will try try try to avoid the hard lard for two days this week (grr!). I will also maintain my status as a measurement stickler for one more week. And I will get to Hell (the gym) 3 times this week (aka I will not use my pending doom at school next week as an excuse to bail on my fitness).

And as for my weigh in yesterday, I was down 0.6 lbs. I'll take that.

I think that's all I got bloggers, my writing marathon this weekend has done a number on me so now I'm off to watch mindless tv for a few hours (16 and Pregnant, anyone?)

Question: what are your best tips for getting through presentations without wanting to self-inflict harm just so you'll have a legit reason to skip out on it (just because I cut my own arm off on purpose doesn't mean it's not a valid medical emergency, right?)

Fake It Til You Make It

2010-03-16T22:34:00.000-04:00

Good evening bloggers!

Just a quick post to update you all about my weigh in yesterday. Well, I was up 0.2 lbs- boo hiss. I'm not gonna lie, I hate gains. They put me in a (temporarily) foul mood. They make me feel like I am moving backwards, and I get all paranoid about going back to 337 lbs. But, after a year of doing this, the logical side of my brain finally kicks in and I realize that gains are just a part of the process (a sucky part, let's not kid ourselves here). I always tell people that it's not realistic to expect that you will never gain, in fact, it's kind of delusional (in my case anyways). So, in order to deal with the gains, I fake a positive, realistic, optimistic attitude. Even if I'm really feeling like crap after I have a gain, I try to positively self-talk my way to a better attitude. Eventually I get over it and just move on. Sulking about it doesn't do me any good, right? So onward I go :)

Anyway, on to this week's goals. I realized that last week I did not consume one single bite of vegetables (there is a reason parents have to hide veggies in their kids' food you know...they taste like crap...*presently pouting). Alas, I know that veggies seem to help me and contribute to my health (blah blah), so I will bust through their nasty taste and try to have at least one serving every day (I'm a big kid now!) Cheese is still all up in my business so I think I will repeat last week's goal of no cheese for at least 2 days of the week (*more pouting). And one more, I need to work on my measurements. I measure everything and don't understand this whole eye balling business I hear other people talking about (you know I can make an entire t-bone steak look to be the size of a deck of cards). So I measure/weigh everything to keep myself in check. Despite this, my cup of lasagna is never really a cup and my tablespoon of peanut butter could probably (translation: undoubtedly) peanut butter up an entire loaf of bread. So this week I commit to leveling off my measures like a good girl does.

Well I'm off to bed. Probably won't be back until Monday, as I am in the middle of the biggest (and most neglected) project of my entire university career. I hope your weeks are a heck of a lot more fun than mine :)

Slacker...

2010-03-15T12:29:00.000-04:00

Hello hello!

Well this week I was a giant slacker and forgot to post an update. Je suis tres desole readers (haha merci Grade 10 French!) Actually, I didn't forget so much as I just didn't have anything fabulous/brilliant to write about. This week was kind of blah, and I'm majorly stressing out about 2 upcoming presentations (aka 20 minutes of sheer terror) that I have to do in order to pass my class and graduate this spring. So blogging kind of took a back seat to my numerous panic attacks this week.

However, I stayed on track with my eating and made it to the gym. In my attempts to pretend that my presentations were miraculously not going to happen, I even went to the gym twice in one day to avoid thinking about school. I know...you just threw up a little bit didn't you? I make myself sick too! Oh the depths I will go to to avoid even thinking about public speaking :)

As for my goals last week, I feel pretty good about what I accomplished. I managed to only consume peanut butter once this week, and I tried almond butter twice. I like the almond butter, it's not as sweet as pb so it doesn't make me crave other sweets. It's definitely a keeper! I was okay with limiting my processed foods, not perfect but I'm definitely relying more on real food than fake food so that is progress. As for my break up with my ex (CHEESE), I am struggling, but I did manage to avoid my lover for 2 days which was what I committed to, so yay for that!

Okay well I really need to get some work done on that 30 page paper that I haven't started writing yet that is due in 8 days...ahem, I mean...I need to go edit the already written, brilliantly researched essay that I did not ignore all semester :) Why oh why can I not be a keener for once in my life?!

Have a wonderful day!

Will be back either tonight or tomorrow with a recap of my weigh-in this evening and this week's goals.

PS- I found really great cookies this week that don't make you feel guilty for eating them. They are organic, vegan, preservative free (this makes me so happy!), and made with only 10 ingredients (all of which I can actually pronounce!). The bakery is in Toronto and is called New Moon Kitchen (all of you Twilight saga readers just had heart palpitations didn't you? hehe) I got the chocolate chip cookies (AMAZING), but there are other flavours that I didn't buy because I was trying to be conscientious and only buy one treat (read: I am poor and could only afford one bag). Check them out if you so desire, they are really good (believe me friends, as I don't believe in eating foods that taste bad, I like a good party in my mouth).

Au revoir!

81

2010-03-09T19:22:00.000-05:00

Hello!

Well, I had a very happy start to my week last night. Monday nights are weigh-in/meeting night and I was in for a great surprise. Turns out I was (miraculously) down 3 lbs this week! I was certainly not expecting that! At this point, if I have a really great week I can expect to lose about a pound and a half, so I'm not sure what the heck was going on this week, but I will take it. Maybe my body is getting used to exercise and has stopped holding on the weight like it has been for the past two months? Who knows? This whole weight loss thing is definitely not a science, I never know what is going to happen when I hop on that scale.

Anyways, I'm rambling, back to the point. This weigh-in officially puts me at 81.2 pounds lost! This makes me so happy! I work on small 10 lb goals because losing 177 lbs is overwhelming (aka that number makes me want to go back to my previous devotion to all things high fat and cheesy!) So when I get into a new decade I get a little thrill out of it :) And, I feel motivated enough to step away from the cheese strings for just one more day.

I think that making goals to work on for last week really helped me, so this week I am going to set a few more as well. First off, I am going to stay with the peanut butter monitoring (so tragic...okay not really but I like to get dramatic sometimes), as well as the limited processed food. In addition to those, I think the time has come for me to take some space from my lover (you knew it was cheese, didn't you?!) Okay, for real, when it comes to cheese I am like a Justin Bieber-obsessed 12 year old (ps- who else thought his name was Beaver?!) I am devoted. I may cut you if you get between me and it. Clearly I need some distance :( So for this week, and this week only (ha!) I will try and only have cheese on 5 out of 7 days (that's all I can do people!)

Okay well I will be back later in the week to complain about how hard it is for me to not have cheese (or, I will simply put my big girl panties on and just come back for a normal update...uh, you should probably expect the former).

Have a lovely night everyone!

PS- thanks for all of the comments on my last post! I so appreciate the support and feedback :)

WARNING: Meltdown Ahead!

2010-03-06T08:33:00.000-05:00

Hello bloggers,

I hope your weeks were wonderful. I've been stressed about school this week but my eating and exercise have been good. I've been focusing on the goals I set out in my last post and things are going well there.

But...last night I had a bit of a meltdown. I don't even know where this came from, but let me tell you it sucked and it put me in a bad mood for the entire night.

In my head it went something like this:
*I'm so sick and tired of being hungry every second of every day
*I'm annoyed with the fact that I am constantly thinking about my next meal/snack etc.
*I'm sick of planning
*I'm tired of having to care so much about what I eat/don't eat
*I really wish that I could have a normal relationship with food, why did I get the fat gene?!
*What I really want right now is 4 tacos and fries supreme from Taco Bell

So I unloaded all of this crap on my poor parents, and at one point I'm pretty sure I said that I wished I was a drug addict instead of a food addict. See, if I had a drug problem, I could just stop doing drugs altogether, with food you can't just stop eating cold turkey (no pun intended). I'm really good at all or nothing thinking...this whole living in the middle/balance thing is not so easy for me. (Disclaimer: I know this thinking is crazy, but it's what was floating around in my head at the time)

Then I got mad at myself. There are so many bigger things going on in the world than my temporary pity party. People have real problems and I'm just being ridiculous. Suck it up buttercup! If my biggest problem is that I have food issues, then I think I'm doing okay/don't have much to complain about, because I can fix these issues, it just takes work (that I don't always want to do).

Then I got over myself, talked myself off the ledge (that would have led to tacos and B&J's cookie dough ice cream), and busted through it.

I tried to think about how far I have come, how depressingly crappy I constantly felt before all of this caring/planning etc., and my big reasons for trying to get my health under control. This helped.

The truth is weight loss is hard and is a pain in the butt most of the time. It is not easy, even when the benefits of it are so obvious and staring you in the face (hey Amanda, remember how you couldn't even walk up a flight of stairs before?! Yeah, wasn't so wonderful being able to eat whatever you wanted then, was it?!) Sometimes I just need to have a meltdown, then remind myself that while yes, it does suck to have to always think about what you are eating, it sucks even more to be crippled, depressed, and held back because of your weight.

So, this morning I am writing about my meltdown here, and planning (the new equivalent of a four letter word lol) my food for the day, and trying not to be such a damn suck about this whole process. Onward I go.

Best tips for overcoming a super funk?

Same Same Same

2010-03-02T19:04:00.000-05:00

Hello all!

Just a quick update on my meeting this week. Drum roll please...NO CHANGE. I stayed the same this week! I'm kind of excited about that. I had way too much processed food, a cupcake binge, and I pretty much boycotted the gym the entire week too, so a stay the same for the week is a success in my book.

For this week I'm going to work on limiting my processed foods (I feel much better when I do this), getting in some more activity (gym 3 times...totally possible, though still I dread it), and drinking more water (4 litres a day...I drink 3 no problem so this is also manageable). I also need to seriously consider my increasing need for peanut butter...it's like the perfect food, you can have it in a dessert, on a sandwich, or, you can just inhale it right out of the jar (my personal preference lol). Thing is it seems to make me crave other sweets so I think this week I'll try to just have it every other day.

Alright I'm off to do some of the school work that I have been avoiding for the last 8 weeks...I mean, um, I am totally on top of the 30 page paper I have due in 3 weeks and I didn't just start researching for it this morning :)

Eating Out...Panic Attack or Piece of Cake?

2010-02-27T18:20:00.000-05:00

Happy Saturday!

Another week has just flown by! Yesterday I was at my niece's dance competition in Hamilton all day. We got hit with some pretty bad weather and almost had to stay the night in a hotel, what terrible problems I have :) We decided to brave the storm and made it home okay.

Anyways, by the time the competition was over it was 6:30 so we had decided before hand to go to dinner to some place nearby. I lucked out because I knew ahead of time that we were going out and so I had plenty of time to plan out what exactly I was going to get to eat (this is key for me). We went to Swiss Chalet (cheap, delicious, and easier to incorporate into my daily WW points than most other restaurants). I budgeted my points so that I could get a chicken club wrap with mashed potatoes (aka food of the gods) with extra sauce on the wrap (aka crack), and a scoop of chocolate ice cream (I don't really need to tell you how amazing that was, do I ?) It was all soooo good!

This eating out experience worked out pretty well and I stayed on plan without feeling like I was missing out on anything or depriving myself. But eating out is so hard for me sometimes (ie how the heck do you stay on plan when at the Mandarin?!...I still haven't figured that one out after a year of WW). Most of the time when I eat out I can find something that won't do too much damage to my eating plan...but sometimes the 5000 calorie dinner just speaks to me and I can't (read: choose not to) say no. And that's perfectly fine...sometimes. To be honest, eating out stresses me out sometimes. True confession: I have canceled plans with friends just to avoid the temptations of eating at a restaurant with limited healthy options. Not my best move as a friend but I admit to doing it.

My best tips for eating out:

Plan your meal ahead of time (make use of the internet for this one).

Don't go to the restaurant starving (it is much harder to say no to the brownie/ice cream/cookie/fudge concoction when you are so hungry that dirt looks appetizing).

Don't be afraid to be a diva, meaning, it's okay to ask for substitutions...the waiter won't spit in your food just because you're a pain...I think/hope :)

Exploit your family/friends/date (sometimes I just want a taste of a dessert, or a bite of something, or a couple of fries etc., and a little taste of something will help get rid of the craving and then I'm satisfied...my family is usually pretty accommodating here, but that could be because they have learned not to get in between me and the food ;)

Sometimes it is okay to have that gluttonous dessert/meal...but it's probably not necessary to get it every time you got out to eat.

Don't get something that you won't really enjoy just because it's healthy...I don't eat things that I don't like, even if they are considered super foods/life altering/low in calories and fat. You should like what you eat, even when you're trying to lose weight, and especially when you are eating at a restaurant.

So...what's your best advice for eating out on a points/calorie-friendly budget?

A Great Loss

2010-02-23T09:56:00.000-05:00

Hello hello!

So Monday nights are when I go to my WW meeting and weigh in. I hadn't weighed in in two weeks because last week's meeting was canceled due to Family Day. I hate it when our meeting is canceled because it usually results in me thinking that I can eat whatever I want during my first week and then just make up for it the next week (I'm impressing you with my brilliance again, aren't I?) So, as I knew would happen, last week was a total wash and I definitely did not "bust through" my hunger or cravings. However, I still tracked everything that I ate and managed to get it together this week. I stuck to my points and tried to get in some extra time in Hell (a.k.a. the gym). I was nervous to weigh in yesterday and tried to use every excuse in the book to just skip the meeting altogether, even as we were in the car and about 30 seconds away from the building. Alas, I sucked it up and jumped on that scale. I was down 1.2 lbs which is thrilling to me. I am of the philosophy that any loss is fantastic (perhaps a coping mechanism for when I work my arse off all week and then lose 0.2, no? lol) This is super exciting to me because now I have less than 100 lbs to lose to be in a healthy weight range. I haven't been able to say that in almost a decade so it's a big deal!

On to the second great loss I experienced yesterday. Back story: once a week I eat an entire bag of rice cakes in one sitting (salsa and sour cream tortillaz...we were in a committed relationship for quite some time). Rice cakes are crazy high in sodium and there really isn't any nutritional benefit to eating them as they are all processed. But I figure that once a week is harmless (or is it just that I rationalize it this way in my head...perhaps). Anyways, yesterday I walked into the store where I usually buy my rice cake bliss and discovered that they were all out. I asked one of the employees if they had some in the back (I was desperate and I think I scared the poor woman). She told me they were DISCONTINUED. I was obviously visibly shaken by this news and she looked at me like I was crazy. She clearly doesn't understand my devotion. I am now in mourning (and also in search of a substitute for my once a week rice cake fix...any suggestions?)

That's all for now.

P.S. I may or may not have consumed 3 cupcakes last night. I'm not even sorry for it :)

Why Bother?

2010-02-19T14:18:00.000-05:00

We all know weight loss is a royal pain, a war really, and it is so much easier to eat what we like without thinking about it. Case in point: I used to mindlessly and happily eat a jumbo size bag of skittles (my first love, really), the same size bag of starbursts, an entire container of Ben and Jerry's chocolate chip cookie dough ice cream, a pack of cheese strings, and a family size bag of chips (smokey bacon and barbecue were my faves). ALL IN ONE SITTING. You may not believe me, but trust me, I had been honing my stomach's capacity for food for a good twenty years, this type of eating was a regular occurrence in my life.

We also know that exercising (or in my nearly 340 lb body, simply MOVING at all) is hard. Sweating is gross. We all have better, more pressing things to do (ie. go and pick up some Taco Bell...no? Just me then).

So, why bother? Why put in the time to plan out meals and snacks? Why get up at 6:30 to go to the gym and get all gross and sweaty and sore? Why on earth should we bother to give up copious amounts of the best food on the planet (read: cheese)? WHY BOTHER?

Personally, I have to remind myself nearly every minute of every day why I am doing this. I think that if there is any chance of reaching my goal of health and fitness, I have to constantly think about why I am making weight loss a priority in my life.

Here are some of my reasons:

Like I said in my first post, I realized that I don't want to die just yet. I think I'd like to hang around a little while longer and actually live a decent life. At my starting weight I had high blood pressure, terrible knee pain every night, and I frequently woke up with irregular heart beats in the middle of the night. Now, I am 22 years old, far too young to be experiencing any of these things. I honestly believed that I could have died at any second at that weight. This was the first time in my life that I really physically felt the ill effects of my weight, and seriously knew that I was risking my life every day. My health and desire to live motivate me to keep on truckin'.

Another reason that really pushes me to stay on track is that fact that I figured out what I want to do with my life. Finding some kind of vocational goal really helped me to focus on what I want out of the future, which meant that I would actually have to stay alive to experience that future (OBVIOUSLY Amanda!) The particular type of work that I want to get into (aid work) also requires me to be reasonably fit, so this definitely helps me to stay motivated. I want a career that I can be passionate about, and I won't settle for something less just because I don't always want to put the effort in to get healthy.

One of the biggest, and most important personal reasons that I have to get my health under control is...FAMILY. I want to have kids one day (and when I say I want to have kids what I really mean is I want a half a dozen of them!) It can be really hard for morbidly obese women to get, and stay, pregnant. Also, I have polycystic ovarian syndrome, which is one of the leading causes of infertility in women. The good news is that weight loss, exercise, and a diet of mostly whole foods can decrease the chances of infertility. I will not sacrifice having kids, so I keep my future family in mind when the extra-large stuffed crust pizza is calling my name.

And, finally, a little vanity never hurts. Now, I do know that trying to look better is not exactly the greatest source of motivation, but sometimes thinking about not having to buy size 28 jeans can really help. I believe sometimes you have to do whatever it takes to get you passed the moment (you know, the moment where you actually think you might die if you do not eat that entire chocolate cake). Thinking about the pretty shoes that won't fit my fat and swollen feet right now helps to keep me on track.

These are my reasons for controlling my food, getting my lazy butt moving, and taking better care of myself. They help...a lot!

Well, apparently I enjoy this whole writing thing. I'll tone it down next time, promise :)

The Obligatory Introductory Post

2010-02-17T20:32:00.000-05:00

Hello!

Well, this is my first post...is it weird that I'm nervous?! Anyways, I thought that I should explain what this blog is about and how it came to be. The blog will mostly be about my struggles to get healthy and live a better life...p.s.- I refuse to call this my "weight loss journey," as this particular phrase generally makes me want to puke hehehe. I decided, after months of thinking about it, to just bite the bullet and finally start the blog. I have followed a lot other blogs for about the last year or so. After reading these other blogs, and being encouraged by my ever supportive family, I created this blog last night...and then wimped out and almost deleted it this morning. Alas, I pulled myself together and decided to give this whole blogging thing a shot.

So, a little bit about me...well, as you can see in my profile, I am a student, just about to graduate from my undergrad program (can you say panic attack?!) Last year I decided to join Weight Watchers with my mom. I have been fat literally my entire life- well, that's a lie, I was a perfectly healthy 6 and a half pound baby when my dear mother birthed me. Despite my promising beginnings, I quickly traded in the "healthy" status for the "morbidly obese" category instead...yes, I'm bright like that. But last year I discovered that I didn't actually want to die (again, my brilliance is astounding, no?) And, with that realization, I started the Weight Watchers program, all 337 lbs of me, have tried to steer clear of processed (read: FAKE) food, and began to move my body just a little bit more (ignoring the fact that at the beginning it was physically exhausting to walk up a single flight of stairs). I love Weight Watchers and and have lost 77 lbs since starting the plan. I still have a long way to go until I am considered healthy (a.k.a. about another 100 lbs), but every single day that I wake up and make better choices gives me the confidence to know that I will get there.

So let's wrap this sucker up, shall we? I am SO excited to be starting this blog and hopefully you like what you read here.

Oh, and the blog name? Well, whenever I am lacking in resolve and really struggling with making healthier choices, I tell myself to just BUST THROUGH IT! Writing this blog, exercising, not eating the entire block of cheese that is to be saved for a pan of lasagna, eating real food, and fighting for the life that I really want are the best examples that I have of BUSTING THROUGH IT. It is kind of my current life motto.

Busting Through It

Catching Up

Day 6...*Blank Stare*

I Went There...

I'll Do it Later...

Day 3- My People

Day 2- Why Busting Through It?

Ahem...

Real Talk

Just Go Ahead And Make This.

These Moments...

Sometimes...

Clicking And A-Z

Because I Love Them...

Sometimes You Need To Feel Fabulous...

Do What You Gotta Do!

Djimon Hounsou?!

Post And Run

And This Is Why...

This Is Why...

Happy New Year!

Lazy Woman's Blog Post

The One Where I Explain What Happened...

Relapse

What Are You Fighting For?

I'm Learning...

I'm Still Here...

Lazy Woman's Post

Sucking It Up And Getting It Done!

Technology Hates Me, Goals, And Healthy Living Blogs

Update, Goals, And A Lovely Birthday

I'm Getting There...

Giveaway Winner Take Two...

Climbing My Way Out...

I'm Struggling...

Glo Bar Giveaway Winner!

The Big One-100 lbs Lost Celebration: BTI's First Giveaway!

100 Pounds Lost!

Getting My Shop On

6 Times A Day

I'm The Girl Who Passes Out In Public..

I'm So Skilled (Kind Of)

Victory Is Mine Mandarin!

Mandarin Buffet...

Gets Me Every Time

Weigh In, Goals, and NYC!

What Are You Afraid Of?

Update And Another Instalment Of Today's Reasons

Over The 90 Pound Hump, Goals, and Beautiful Bloggers

Progress

Because I Feel Like Making Lists

Half Way There!

Drive By Posting

What the trucker?!

Today's Reasons

Guilt

Why Is My City So Lame...

Face Plant

I Love My Fam

She Ate What?!

I'm Too Tired For A Clever Or Relevant Title...

Fake It Til You Make It

Slacker...

81

WARNING: Meltdown Ahead!

Same Same Same

Eating Out...Panic Attack or Piece of Cake?

A Great Loss

Why Bother?

The Obligatory Introductory Post

Day 6...Blank Stare